The Recovering Pessimist

Teapot, I love you

2012-01-22T01:06:00.001+09:00

Since an old family heirloom teapot entered our home after Christmas life has been sweeter. Every morning the ritual of boiling, warming, brewing, steeping and all that melodious chinking of china, rising of steam and hallowed history and culture mean I startup day feeling great. Either Kei makes me tea (previously unheard of). Or I make a pot and take him a cup in bed on my way out of the house. Something about the teapot makes it better. Even if we aren't using the best tea, the loose leaf English breakfast that came with silver spoon and just opt for good quality bags brought back from Blighty, it tastes and feels so good. This is an homage to my teapot.

Plotting, planning and enjoying the therapeutic effects of making a scrap book. And visions.

2012-01-19T00:28:00.001+09:00

Entering 2012 - Underwhelmed

2012-01-06T00:27:00.003+09:00

Fuck me, I only seem to come over here to have a little moan, but let's get it out there.

I have entered 2012 with a certain degree of ambivalence.

I haven't quite latched on to what this year is for me.

Last year was insane. Not in a raging banshee kind of insane but the kind of insane that you realise when you realise your best friend is a nutcase and you've known her for 20 years and she's been slowly whittling away at you. Of course the signs of insanity were there, but they were never quite enough for you to truly be able to say. That's insanity.

(For the record all my friends are sane. Kind of)

2011 ended brilliantly. I loved it.

Of course like most people in Japan, there's before. And after.

Before I had goals, was being coached, was ready to make big changes and start a business and so all these things.

Then came March 11th.

Everything changed.

Or it didn't.

But it did.

Everything changed.

My whole perspective, body, mind, nervous system, human landscape, geographical landscape changed in and instant and then settled into a whole new landscape.

It was weird.

But not unpleasant.

Because I just had to let it happen to me.

The after March 11th part of last year happened to me.

I watched it all happen to me.

People left, not to return.

They left Japan.

Left their partners.

Left their lives.

Their past.

Made the decisions they had been stalling over.

Thinking about.

And I watched and let it all happen to them.

And I watched people lose everything and leave everything.

And it was fascinating and heartbreaking and life changing and a spectacle.

And then I stayed here and my life got wings and took off as we in Tokyo saw the gaps that needed filling and the space that needed to remain.

We filled the cracks the space, nursed our open wounds, felt the sensations our bodies were feeling as they shook and shook and shook and our visceral primal selves were shaken alive. It was really fuckin frightening being in the aftershocks.

And in filling these gaps that were left.

And surveying the new landscape.

I found reserves of goodness and energy and strength and courage and balls and femininity and vulnerability and magic and possibility that I had long forgotten and had long been wokring hard on recovering and celebrating again.

I closed the year with a carefully chosen few parties, carefully chosen drinks and then a last minute trip to the UK for just a few days, to spend Christmas with my family.

And that's where the optimism and the engagement with life stalled.

Returning and jet-lagged heading to the in-laws where fatigue, lag, shame and being the outsider made for a testing few days. Being left in bed. Feeling left out. Old wounds open wide. Japanese language ineptitude. As a communicator few things are more frustrating and isolating that being unable to answer the simplest of questions. Or to converse freely. Or to find the reserves of energy and humility and face to overcome language and communicate in other ways. it was a testing time.

In the back of my mind and the very front working out and through my family. The joy and awkwardness. My one wish to be in a room celebrating joyfully together, smiling, accepting. No superiority.

No competition.

Just forward commitment to being joyful together for just a few days.

For every time we are together.

To release control.

And I felt so sad and so beat and so broken that I had no time to really digest the enormity of last year.

It was huge.

I accomplished more than I imagined.

took myself to new levels.

Entered difficult and challenging relationships with absolute resolute intention to make good and make even.

I stood and watched a marriage implode explode and end agonisingly.

I honed my leadership in a dignified and authentic way, always looking forward and focusing on growth.

I watched my partner leave his job, put himself in a vulnerable position, a position that means he is in a position that I wanted. And supported and encouraged and congratulated his courage. And expressed my pride.

Yet here I am today, anxious.

With a pit in my stomach.

There is room for this feeling, but what is its message?

How can I craft my year?

What's next?

The words I chose, that resonated so clearly before the holiday now just sit on the page.

Elegant change

Limitless energy (I am incredibly tired)

But some things cling to my back.

My brother.

England.

My future.

My heart.

Something's big in there and I don't know what it is.

Some say I am lying to myself and I do know what it is.

Do I?

Do I want to go to England?

Do I want to start a business with my husband?

Do I want to start my own business?

Is it to do with tea?

Is it about communication?

But deep down it starts with trust.

And this word frightens me.

Trust.

And this word, as I type it, brings a tear to my eye and causes me to draw a sharp breath.

And this is why.

I know.

That this word.

Is my word.

For 2012.

Trust.

I want to live

2011-12-04T23:15:00.002+09:00

Or rather I don't want to die.

I just got this overwhelming feeling that I don't want to die.

That I want to go on and on and there is so much that I want to do.

So I want to live.

And make my wishes and wants come true.

It's still bubbling inside me now.

An overwhelming feeling of joy and fear and tears.

I just don't want to die.

I want to live and continue doing great things.

I feel like I haven't yet fulfilled my life's purpose and I fell that I am getting closer to finding what it is.

This quickening has a message for me.

In the meantime, I keep moving forward with my life, loving it and appreciating everything in it.

Hearing beautiful music that fair breaks me open and beams love out.

Seeing amazing performances that make me laugh and cry and want to break open even more.

Knowing that I hold secrets in my shoulders and that I'll know when I am touching myself deeply because the tension in my shoulders will be released along with the secrets.

Moments of deep deep calm. Moments of pure white light joy.

Satisfaction and smiles into my belly.

I want to live.

Long.

Brick Wall

2011-11-06T17:25:00.002+09:00

I have a lot to do.

Who doesn't right?

Yes still, I resist, procrastinate and put off.

I get tired, driven by emotion and start to find the simplest of tasks insurmountable.

Meeting minutes.

Writing up meeting minutes.

A simple straightforward task.

A whole day of avoiding.

Making a list of people to invite to a party.

A nightmare, that fills me with dread.

Editing a CV.

Pure pain.

All necessary things.

And the shame of not doing them.

And the longer I leave it the worse it gets.

I'm 40.

It's been like this since I was very very young.

Missed deadlines felt liberating because I could finally just do the work.

Being late with submissions.

Do I not even care?

I thought, as a teenager and young lady struggling to meet assignments and university submissions.

That it would bet better as I got older.

That I would grow out of it.

That I would get better at it.

But things just keep piling and piling up.

And I go into a holding pattern.

So now.

I put one hour on the clock.

Bite the bullet.

And do the work.

One hour for meeting minutes.

Half an hour for list making.

Then some time for CV doctoring.

But it all feels so scary and unmanageable somehow.

So kindness and compassion for myself is essential.

And reward for having completed.

And keep ploughing through and ploughing through.

How does a woman look when she is stepping into her power?

2011-11-04T18:56:00.001+09:00

Rubbish

2011-10-22T16:34:00.001+09:00

Primal Spiral and Gratitude for the People who live Passion, Love and Light

2011-06-17T23:25:00.003+09:00

Last night I went to a flamenco show.

It was astounding.

Spinning and spiralling, raw, primal passion movement and flames fanned.

I got close to a place, that I have been before.

Watching and seeing her, Yuko, in the zone, stamping and spinning and making faces.

I felt like I was part of her story and I got close.

The channel opened.

I'd been there.

Singing Haydn.

In German.

Whipped into a frenzy.

Touched by the divine.

In a way that that pure meeting of art and heart and culture does.

My dear friend and mentor says it better.

Here.

Marcellus' Blog 'Lightwalker' is one of the purest pieces of art and expression.

It touches me somewhere really deep.

Thanks also to his collaborator and authentic-living beautiful art-drenched liver in light.

Kyo Ko.

She lives real and raw and let me have this list.

THIS ONE

Today, just at a time I needed it.

Eating a vegetable burger.

Frustrated.

Following a meeting, laced with lies and absent of integrity, I read this list and it gave me a lift.

The frustration remains but is in perspective and there's a clarity.

A clarity that shows me.

This way of living and communicating through art and light and integrity.

Honesty.

HONESTY.

Truth.

Anna.

A guide.

Her daily missives.

Her commitment to change and to opening people.

No bullshit.

Straight-talking.

Living every breath and contradiction honestly and without fuss.

Unapologetic.

Vulnerable.

Strong.

Marie Forleo

Helping me get my head around myself.

No nonsense.

Accountable.

Sweet.

Compassionate.

Fierce.

Feminine.

Danielle Laporte

Changed my life.

That simple.

My best friend.

Strong.

Brave.

Dignified.

Inspiring.

Martine Cotton.

One day.

I'll do what you advised.

The leap of faith.

I'm so close.

Thank you all.

Undoing 30 years.

Takes quite a tribe.

These are just a few of mine.

Honesty

Integrity

Truth

But mostly honesty.

I seek.

Day 8 - in which I go quaking into the abyss that is the Japanese banking system.

2011-06-14T00:07:00.002+09:00

End of day 8 - faced my most horrific fears yesterday - banking stuff. Money stuff. Sorted a few things out and got a bit deeper into what I need to do. Very exciting.

A trip to the bank in Japan can take up to a day. Not even joking. It's crazy and it's kanji and it's hard flipping work. It makes me sweat and shake and heavy breathe. Sometimes I even go blind.

I garnered the help of my dear boy on this occassion - he accompanied me and made it so much better.

Not only is he better at banking and knowing what questions to ask and how many times to ask them and in what ways, he is also a whizz at Japanese.

I am not.

I had made a monumental f-up in my excitement at getting a fat tax return; over paying some bills while totally failing to pay others. That fail created some real hoohaas.

Anyway we communicated beautifully and I thought he would divorce me for my indiscretion, but no. I think he rather enjoyed being useful.

And because I have been off the booze, I was better able to communicate in a less banshee-like fashion and be dead reasonable.

Nice.

Little changes make big differences.

You heard it here.

Still managed a quiet time on the sofa with my coffee this morning and made my bed, which is such a treat to come home to. Now prepping for a mini-presentation I will be doing at 6am tomorrow in my latest coaching course. Very motivated.

Day 6 - Achievable Goals, Small Successes and Reward

2011-06-11T10:59:00.002+09:00

My next 21-day challenge (at the moment I have 3 running concurrently: making my bed every day, sitting calmly on the sofa with a cup of tea or coffee for 10-15 minutes every morning and no booze) will be 500 yen lunches. Every day. For 21 days. I'll start it after my UK holiday.

I have decided to set my next 21-day goal because I am really enjoying this set.

This will be a challenge.

500 yen lunches (about 4 pounds).

In the bigger picture of this habit break and rebuild is money management and being mindful of food.

The preparation will be very important in the success of this - not preparation of food, that seems overwhelming, but the obstacles piece is key for the success of this. They would include:

Dean and Deluca
Wanting tasty delicious food for every meal
My ability to talk myself into food because it is healthy or crafted
Lunch-set temptation
My unwillingness to make lunches for myself
Time perceptions
Snacks

So I'll have quite a few challenges with this one...

Let's see...

Day 4 of 21

2011-06-09T11:01:00.005+09:00

"If you always do, what you always did, you always get what you always got."
or something.

This morning I woke up groggy and dull-headed.
I still managed to make my bed, sit with a cup of coffee on the sofa and think.

But my back hurts.
So I did a few on the rhythm slider to put some strength into my back and stomach and release some of the tension, which did admittedly help.

But now, half-way through the day, I feel a bit better.
My problem is that now, while I have been getting up considerably earlier every day, I have so much energy at night that I still stay up late.
I love the dying hours of a day.
That delicious time between 12 and 2 which I claim back from sleep and savor.
BUT it does me no favours the next day, sadly.
So today was a dull day where I had to drag myself out of my bed, rush to make it neat anad force the sofa-time.

This time 2 years ago, in the month of June I did something very similar.
Fed up of the persistent flow of mental excrement rom my brain and into my world coupled with the academic knowledge of all the things I 'needed' to do to make me feel better, I took some raw food coaching from a couple of friends.
I went 100% raw for June and around 80% for July and released a lot, had experiences I had never had before and just generally changed my life through something other than thinking.
I had been failing and failing a getting better and feeling better through thinking or coaching or talking was doing nothing to move me ahead.
I had a lot of negative emotion, baggage, sadness, chatterbox and just mental excrement to release and a physical release seemed like the thing.

This time, again, having built on every bit of commitment to myself to make my life richer and better and more positive (god - it is a long and tortuous road, a delightful and interesting road too, but Rome really was not built in a day, nor was it destroyed in a day.) I realised that coaching alone would not propell me forward in the way that I need to be propelled.
So again, I turned to my training background coupled with my knowledge that drinking leads to numbed and dulled senses.

And I want to be
ON
Alert
Awake
Energised
Ready for action
Different
Sober
Forming new habits
Breaking and
Tearing down
Open
Healthy
Breathing
Strong
Motivated
Energetic
Accountable
Love
Clean
Cleansed

Cleansing is so sweet.
Bathing.
Washing.

A mark of humility and respect in the bible, feet are washed with oil and tears.
A woman in Bournemouth, England washes the feet of the homeless, a task I can only imagine in the roughest of terms.
But she does it, washesthem, cleanses them, massages cream into them and doesn't complain; thinks only of their embarrassment and shame and how she should lessen that.
And talks only of her own role in the most straightforward and matter of fact terms that women of a certain generation, disposition and temperament in the UK do.
It's just what she does.
Pure form humility.

So here I am, cleansing, washing and preparing my body and mind for the future, hurtling toward me, a big firey ball of change and chaos and calm.

And I am engaged
Cleansing
Humble

21 days

2011-06-06T21:22:00.003+09:00

"It takes 21 days, of continuous practice, to break one habit and form a new one."

Dr Maxwell Moltz

I love this expression. I use it in workshops, for my trainees to understand that they need to practice to truly acquire the new skill they are learning or to create new habits.

Sometimes I have problems achieving my goals.

Sometimes I set goals that are too far a stretch from where I am now.

Often I don't achieve my goals and experience the sweet sweet taste of completion and success.

So I thought, the 21 day rule for small steps.

Small steps to success.

I love a tipple, I really do. I love cool wine, iced beer and warm reds.

I like to be relaxed and at the weekend I like to go out and let the drinks flow freely with friends.

And I often have a couple over the line.

And it affects me so badly the next day - the hangovers are brutal and the difference between a Saturday after no booze and a Saturday after a night on the booze is remarkable.

Same during the week.

Even a couple of glasses can give me a dull head the next day.

I am not shy so to speak , but I am desperately self-conscious. I'm working on that. But a wee drink really helps with that. There's a reason why it's called Dutch courage, right?

So after a really boozy couple of weeks for one reason and another, and the knowledge that I do have only one liver, one body and one mind I thought there's only one thing for it.

Have a break.

But there's always a reason to break the fast. A night out. A celebration. A stressful day.

So 21 days.

It's a nice, manageable number especially for a right-brainer like me who needs clear, strict goals to tame my right brain and keep my left brain in line. Judgy left. Reckless right.

I've set up a program for myself.

It includes the following:

Set intention

SMART goal around the intention

Obstacles

Options to overcome the obstacles

Statements of encouragement (affirmations, positive self-talk)

Progress

Reward

Completion!

For me I set my intention - it is pure and driven for good and by love.

(Not guilt, fear or obligation)

The goal is simply not to drink any alcohol for 21 days.

Obstacles are many - fridge and drinks cabinet brimming with goodies, social occasions, meetings, all-inclusinve dinner sets, stressful days, hot nights.

The options are that I have created a menu of alternatives to alcohol that I can order in pubs or bars or drink at home.

Now this may seem intuitive and not like something you need. But my right brain is so confused and stimulated my choice and decision-making that it needs taming and my left brain is so very judgmental that I need to satisfy it with some structure. So a menu of handy drinks ready to pull out of my brain, or up on my Iphone is a must.

Progress - a visual representation of progress is a must. A MUST.

A chart on the wall.

A count up or count down in the diary. (I prefer a count-up, so I can see what have done; not what I have to do)

A coin in a jar - watch the wealth grow

A flower a day...

You get the picture

I am choosing a thousand yen note on a clip with a number on it on a post-it.

At the end I shall have 21,000 yen that I shall put to one side for something wonderful.

Reward for me will be the money, but also the satisfaction of each day where I achieve my goal. And also feeling better and looking better.

The long view is to change many habits on the back of this change and I have many other 21-day challenges lines up, some of which shall run concurrently:

Making my bed every day

Taking 15 minutes in the morning with a cup of tea or coffee to just sit.

From September - doing an hour of paperwork before work in the morning.

100 slides on the rhythm slider each day.

13 minutes of yoga each day.

And it must be every day.

Every day.

A small step toward breaking old habits that don't serve.

Creating space for the new.

Fast forward, pause and spinning pencils all at once

2011-05-18T16:58:00.004+09:00

My life is a mix tape.
It is full of songs, some that I love, really love, mixed with some that I am sick of, some I never want to hear again and some that are just meh.
It plays constantly, so that even the songs I love become just a bit in the middle of meh.

I play it on fast forward.
Which means that I have to half-press pause to make it play at the right speed.
Often times it gets unravelled so I have to get a pencil and wind it back up again.
Even then, it just doesn't play quite the same.
The quality gets poorer and poorer.
Unravelling more and more frequent.
Sometimes I can't find the pencil and I have to use my finger.
And I continue to play it, even though the vast majority of the content I hate or am 'meh' about.

Playing on fast forward.
Half paused.
A damaged tape.
I don't even like that much.

HELLO!?

I even usesd too much punctuation there, so you can bet that I am having a premier-league-AHA-epiphany

So what would it take?
And why the feck would anyone continue in such a panicked state of chaotic mediocrity?

Good flamin question.

Well, I could bin the tape. But it's the only tape I have.
And I do like some of the songs.

So, bin the tape, re-make the tape. That's right - take the time to re-make the mix tape.
But for God's sakes leave out the songs that you don't like.
Infact, let me reframe that - only include songs that you like.
How about that?

How about that indeed.

Create a play list. That would involve learning how to use Itunes.
Maybe you even need to buy your favorite songs.
Invest in them.
Or buy some new CDs. Burn a CD. Learn how to burn a CD. Download software that will help you burn a CD. Perhaps even buy it.
Go out and buy some CDs.
Borrow some.
Join your local library and see if they have some.
Try some new music.
Ask for recommendations from friends.
Maybe you could learn how to play an instrument. Invest that time and money.
Go to live concerts.
Watch Youtube.

The options are endless.
But they take investment.
Of time.
And money.
And energy.
And focus.
And planning.

And so very often, that just seems too much.
So we do the same old same old, expending time and energy on damaged, unecessary, unhelpful familiarity; complaining, questioning, burning out.

Fast forward.
Pause.
Mediocrity.
Unravel.
Fix.
Repeat.

A Room of One's Own and the Importance of Space in time and the Physical World

2011-05-07T14:53:00.005+09:00

A recent fascination with Virginia Woolf, triggered by a Woman's Hour Podcast last week, prompted me to find my workspace and set it up as I had wanted.

That along with a retrospective piece by Danielle Laporte, finally shone some light on the movement.

Finally space in my schedule. A weekend followed by a three-day holiday midweek, followed by a weekend, meant there was enough time to take care of the daily bits and pieces that had been weighting me, allowed me to rest and get out and nourish myself with art and the countryside and sweet time with my husband, watching films at night and never drinking too much. By day three - I was more than ready to create the space I needed to create my space and fill it with my desk, my images and check all the boxes of natural light, a view of some green.

Having had the living room re-papered last month, our home had been in a state of disarray for weeks and weeks and, while I was not ready to make the furniture decisions that were required to put it all back together, the bits and pieces adrift in the spare bedroom, which also doubles as my room and space, were beginning to weigh me down.

As my husband's desk was one of the items moved from the living room, which also opened the living room space up in a way that we both agreed was positive, he had quite simply moved onto my sacred desk. He's like that. It's all his. He wouldn't think to ask. I call it 'King' behaviour. I began to crave my desk space back, but was also hatching a plan to hijack HIS desk and take it for my own and setting up the space I had been visualising. This he agreed to - he's so great and lets me move around as I need to.

So now, having removed a set of shelves, I have it. My space, next to the window. Where the blessed rain, which in turn created space for me to stay home today, hits the tarmac of my tiny garden and illuminates the plants that grow outside my window.

A small illusion of a vision much grander, a pocket of sanctity where I can come and be with myself and enjoy the quiet and the calm of this moment.

The New Normal

2011-03-29T22:43:00.004+09:00

Includes

Dark stations
Dark lobbies
Cold stations
Early closing department stores
In Tokyo
The king of consumerism
No neon
Dark stores
No water in stores
Elation at finding toilet paper
My hayfever subsided
Aftershocks that I would have called earthquakes before
Seasickness
Seismicsickness
Seismicsickness subsiding
Wanting to ride my bike to work
Sometimes wearing a mask
Talking about 'it', that day, the aftermath, the impact
Blackouts
But not in my area
Having big care packages sent from the in-laws
Sending care packages
Drinking water even though it might be radioactive
Should I be drinking the water?
Watching hundreds of packets of spinach being thrown away
Trains are strange
Never wear heels just in case
No adverts in Shibuya
Or noise
Or music
Or unnecessary stuff
Or excess ticket gates open
Eating out more
Stocking up on that preparedness pack
Knowing what to put in it and how much
I never really knew before
I never really got it
Feeling different
Talking about it
Not much milk
Lots of spinach left on the shelves
Even though it's not from Fukushima
Keeping an eye on Fukushima
Thinking about the long-term effects of Fukushima Power Plant
Accepting daily inconveniences
Getting on with it
Same same but different

Fukushima, February 2011

2011-03-24T21:37:00.003+09:00

More takes after the quake

2011-03-22T21:30:00.007+09:00

I will engage in neither pretend positivity, dramatic indifference or flippant self-proclamations of bravery about myself or any of the other people who opted to stay in this strange new Tokyo.

Same same. But different.

It is what it is.

Tokyo is not as usual.

We are expecting blackouts until the summer.

Fair-does, a little bit of frugal holding back does us no harm, which is why I am sat here wrapped in a blanket with freezing hands, rather than using any of my array of my heating equipment.

The department stores of the consumer Mecca that is Tokyo are closing at 5pm and their escalators are functioning in only certain parts of the store.

What this means to me is that I can't pop in to the 'apothecary' (read Estee Lauder for slightly bohemian posh people like me, who like Khiels and Organics and Jo Malone and other chemical concoctions that have a story that involves some romance and mystic fantasy rather than the idea of rabbits having lipstick sprayed into their eyes by thick-ankled ladies like Elizabeth Arden) to pilfer squirts of my favorite scents on my way home and slather my face with over-priced face cream from Australia that I will purchase on a good month but fawn over in leaner times. Like now.

I emerge smelling like roses, hippies, french lime blossom, with skin that glows with serum swiftly smoothed on in a hurry before an over-attentive shop assistant plucks up the courage to approach a shopper she knows is only in it for the testers, but is obliged to attend to nonetheless.

I miss that.

The stations and convenience stores have turned off all unnecessary lights.

It feels dark.

It isn't.

Which means there are a lot of unnecessary lights.

I am practicing due diligence.

This means my bath remains full.

My suitcase full of tinned and canned goods remains full and ready to go.

My bags packed.

My passport in my bag. At all times. With me.

Shoes by the bed.

Torches charged and ready.

Water in many places.

The reality of being in the position that the people in the North are in feels like a possibility.

And if I should end up in their situation, then I would like to at least have something.

Due diligence.

It's not big and it's not clever not to practice due diligence.

Nor is it mad or panicky to engage in it.

Another word I heard last week was 'selfish'. Fuck that.

Compassion, empathy, love, preparedness, difference, diversity, acceptance, respect, friendship, kinship, love again, help, care, kindness, diligence. These are the powers for good.

Selfish is best friends with guilt.

And guilt is NEVER a good driver.

I miss how I felt last week.

I still feel frightened.

But last week was a fear from somewhere primal.

A fear that prompts change.

Deep open conversation.

Shifts internally.

Observation.

And a knowing, a physical subconscious knowing that overrides all conscious waking thought.

For me, this was a lush, albeit terrifying, new place to be in.

I felt like in my restricted space I had infinite choice.

Infinite love.

And infinite boundaries and potential.

I can still hold the thread of that.

The humility of watching people lose everything in front of my face in an instant in a disaster beyond all comprehension and imagination means I feel I can do anything.

I love myself.

HOLY FUCK I DECLARED THAT?

Yeah live with it.

More shaking.

Now this shaking prompts a nervous nonchalance.

With a heavy stress on nervous.

Red wine to change up the state. (Interestingly, it appears that the patrons of my local convenience store have been panic-buying small bottles of red wine. Not white, plenty of those left, but red. I was forced to buy a full bottle and I usually prefer a tiny bottle)

So due diligence.

A nuclear power station has blown up twice = danger.

My Embassy says it shall be ok = OK

Lots of food in.

lots of water backed up.

Never get hungry.

Exits clear and easy to open.

Clothes ready to go.

bra on at all times.

Torches ready around the home.

Go to the toilet often.

Electronics charged.

Eat out - support local business AND save the food in the house incase of necessity (yes, leg wax has fallen down the 'need' list. But not that far.)

Then in other worlds

Do what I like

Play how I like

Carefully choose flowers

Have the odd cigarette

And glass of wine

But not so much that I don't have my wits about me

Listen to everything and ignore everything

Touch things once

Carefully choose flowers - red too harsh; white too dearth; orange too cheery; yellow to bright; pink just right calm and sweet

Be grateful for every last experience, taste, flavor, dickhead, friend, conspirator, moment, second, idea, passion.

Read with absolute attentiveness.

Attention.

And constraints.

Creativity loves contraints.

One fiction.

One information.

ONLY.

And finish them.

And indulge in the fiction and absorb the information; and vice versa.

And let every little tingling trifling thing mean everything and nothing.

Because there is now.

And now.

Wow.

OH MY GOD My love is overspilling

2011-03-18T13:56:00.007+09:00

As I sat at my desk

And things that I had been putting off

and putting off

Suddenly started happening with the greatest of ease

Materialising in front of me

Emerging from my mind

Shipping

Rolling

Manifesting

Being

And in that moment

I felt overwhelmed with love in way I have never experienced before

And I rolled my head back

And I said outloud

To noone

and everything

"Oh my God, my love is overspilling."

And my mouth opened

And a noise came out

that sounded like a dog wailing from a place inside itself that it doesn't even know

And it happened again and again until it stopped and only constricted breath came out

And I am exhausted

And it took ten seconds

And I am alive and wide-eyed

And panting

And on my own in a sublime solitude

With only my machines as my witnesses

And my divine self

And your eyes on this

I quake

Woh, this is tidal...

Business as unusual

2011-03-18T11:28:00.004+09:00

I went out for beers last night at a local izakaya, the Japanese drinking den.

During that time there were two shakers - the old guys laughed at us through their perms, bad dye-jobs, cigarettes and Shochu as we shifted nervously and made noises of anticipation.

Things are continuing as usual but not as usual.

The city of course still functions.

Thursday - working from home

2011-03-17T18:49:00.004+09:00

Working from home is hard

This city is in a strange topsy-turvy whirlwind.

I have never felt so alive.

Literally.

Quite literally.

Ever breathing waking moment I feel alive.

My eyes are open.

My body erect.

I am hungry in every way possible.

I have a crystal clear clarity in my mind that is driven by something visceral, primal, something beyond conciousness.

And it trickles into my concsiousness in a delicious and filtered way.

I have never felt so focussed.

So alive in my body.

Like an animal who doesn't know what is happening, it just happens.

Every bite of food a lush miracle.

Every breath deep and blessed.

And cursed.

For what might be in it.

Breath deep and hard.

Breath through a mask.

And choices.

Choices seem so hard.

Yet as the week wears on.

And people leave and take action.

There is a gathering.

Of those of us who stay. And we're not sure why.

It just feels right.

And wrong.

And Tokyo is inside out - the streets lined with people in masks to protect against the pollen.

Lovely pollen.

Lined with people walking to and from work.

Cycling to and from work.

Usually these people would be invisible; underground.

Visible only when they surface from their station to make the brief walk home and to pick something up from the convenience store.

A beer.

Some chicken.

Read a magazine.

Now the trains are running on half schedule and get so packed at peak times, people are walking or cycling.

Frightened incase the earth shakes to its core again and they are underground.

In the dark.

Pitching. Pneumatic.

Prepared to walk to escape the irregularity.

The pictures you see of Tokyo teaming with people are true for the big cities.

Local areas are quiet.

Not so now.

And I feel love and clarity and more alive than ever.

xxx

Nothing Like real Disaster to get some perspective on things

2011-03-16T16:03:00.002+09:00

I'll let you know what that perspective is sometime.

But until then, think about your adjectives.

Thirty Thoughts about the Tohoku Earthquake

2011-03-15T22:14:00.005+09:00

Since this earth-jolting, body-shuddering, mind-addling event has taken place, I have experienced a range of emotions, experiences and feelings that are vaguely familiar but have never been put together in this arrangement before.
Humility. Pure humility. Unconscious.
I was on a call to a client when the quake hit - it was really bloody strong and I wasn't that scared. At first. I stayed on the call. Client is king. Then as the shakes got stronger and stronger, I told her, there is an earthquake, oh my goodness (in my mind holy fuck) oh my goodness, it's really strong, it's really strong, oh my goodness (they usually subside long before this point), then I told her I'm sorry I have to go. I put the phone down, stood up to get outside and I couldn't stand up - like a ship pitching in a storm. While trying to stand up in a shopping trolley. With faulty wheels. That is 3 metres tall. The building creaks and aches and pitches. We're on the 7th floor. Outside the room, my colleague, Caroline is crouched down, near the wall asking 'what were you doing - so calm on the phone? I was banging the window telling you to get out.' I couldn't hear her for the noise of the building moving. Since moving to Japan and experiencing many small earthquakes I have dreamed about the pitching of buildings, swaying from side to side. I got it right. Well done me. The Japanese members of the client company were also outside squatting down and looking pale-faced and worried. This is when you know you're in shit street.
Announcement to evacuate. The alarms sound. They sound as you would imagine. LIke an air-raid siren. The security guy comes over the loud-speaker in Japanese "There's been a big earthquake, please evacuate the building. There's been a big earthquake, please evacuate the building." He says it over and over again, starting assertively. Then his voice begins to crack. I can hear blind terror in his voice. Eventually her is evidently crying. The building still sways. I go back in the room, close down the computer, grab my bag and along with everyone else head for the stairs. I'm on the 7th floor. Mercifully low. Had I been at their other location, I would have been on the 19th Floor. At the office. The 40th.
As I type this - 4 days later I am sitting in another reasonably strong aftershock. The kind that would make me worried usually for being pretty strong. But that just makes me pray it won't get mental. Like what I'm describing above. Because that was mental. My shackles are up, my adrenaline pumping. It has been like this for 4 days non-stop. And all I have to do to (At this point I flung my computer down because it became too much - the quake too great, the raw, visceral fear stirred and the fight or flight activated. My husband leapt out of bed and we began packing like fury all the food that I have been stockpiling, because the very real possibility of having to leave the house creeps closer as reality. I am on edge. Shackles up. Adrenaline pumping, anxiety at high level.)
I also realise that this fear I feel is indistinguishable from the feelings my body registers when I am in my worst rut at work. When I dread the day, when for weeks I don't know what to do - whether I am coming or going and feel dreadful each day. Now I have context and know I need to get rid of it physically. I have context for the fear. Aren't our bodies incredible? Isn't the mind a fool? It cannot distinguish between hating job and clear and present danger. At least now my sad tired overwrought mind can now make the distinction.
I have to make a clear separation between what is going on in the north and what I am experiencing. I watch local news to feel connected to my brothers and sisters up there. But I also want to acknowledge and own my experience of this. Because it's hard. And it's unexpected and it's humbling and it's frightening and emotional and terrifying and horrifying and funny and humorous and unusual, but by no means unique. This is my experience and I claim it as my own along with my people here.
What's happened in the North is cataclysmic. It seems unreal. Surreal. The houses, villages calmly and violently picked up from their foundations and carried into the land. Carrying lives and lives.
It's so surreal it looks like the Wizard of Oz
Until you add humans to it, as the later footage has. Then it shifts from surreal to very very real. And the reunions. And the pleas. And the people who watched as their people were washed away. Or they didn't make it far enough fast enough. It breaks my heart. I am heartbroken. My husband is heartbroken. I ache.
Today I began to imagine the land in Fukushima, Miyagi and Iwate healing and in a year from now, perhaps eighteen months, we watch as their land flourishes again. As they rebuild their homes. Re-plant their crops. And maybe, somehow the soil is more fertile. The land richer. I visualise people smiling and retelling their stories. Painting their pictures. Honoring their people in the quiet, modest and undramatic way the people of this land do. A tear gives away so much. I visualise this. I focus on this.
I think of leaving every day. Not for good but until this island has stopped shifting and breaking and flooding. I want to. I want to go visit my people in Australia. A place that heals me deeply and that I feel such a strong connection with. So many open hearts and minds there. A place where the people understand me and I them But not too much.
I dream of swimming in the pool, walking along the beach, being friends with the sea. Sitting at my computer planning and plotting and writing. Walking for miles. Cycling. Eating foods that will nourish me. Regaining my independence and sense of myself. Maybe finding somewhere to be on my own. The more I write the greater my perspective. These things I want to happen can happen and will happen. Perhaps in different contexts. They will happen.
Again as I type, the earth gently rolls beneath me. No rest here. Except for my husband who is sounds asleep.
I think of heading back to England for an extended stay. Doing my Mindmap mastery. Seeking out a good coaching course. Coming back - giving away a hundred hours of coaching for free as I strive to be accredited. Making my life work on my terms and owning it and it fills me with exhilaration, which feels not unlike fear. But makes the corners of the mouth move up.
Aftershock = another earthquake. Don't be fooled.
When the big one hit on Friday Caroline and I ended up walking home. Props to her - 10 km in heels, I had flats on. Thank God.
Attitude is everything.
Once we had ascertained that walking home was infact the best option, we got on with it. I sussed it out on Google maps and we got alongside the tracks and followed them home. We had a couple of Korean Boys tagging along with us who were so affronted by the idea of walking that they were going to queue for a taxi. I told them we were walking and they could follow me. Caroline and I decided we would treat each station as a milestone and do a happy dance to herald it. At the first station we did a happy dance. Perhaps something like you might see Chandler or Joey doing off Friends. We remarked upon just how quick we'd been and how super it was that we had reached our first milestone then moved on with s spring in our step. The boys came up and were like 'are we only at the first station, oh my God, that took ages' and skulked along in misery and disbelief.
18.
There were hundreds and hundreds of people walking home. It was surreal. Did I mention all the trains had stopped and were out for the night? One of my friends took 12 hours to walk home. That is one helluva walk. It was also remotely pleasant. Everyone quietly getting on with their walk. Some in helmets. Some on bikes (many people bought bicycles to get themselves home). Swathes and swathes of people on the streets. Very strange.
Monday and Tuesday also saw the streets full of people walking to and from work. Me included. I didn't fancy getting into the Subway. It would have been truly truly terrifying to be in the deepest Subway when the quake hit. Terrifying. Because it was strong. Really really strong. And the subways are deep. And then people would be trapped inside for a long time, perhaps between stations. Perhaps in the dark. Unaware of what was happening.
I have never witnessed anything like that tsunami in my life.
The following days were a mixture of anger (directed largely at my husband), horror, sadness, optimism, fear, questions, raw, white-hot fear, moderate fear, heartbreak, a whole range of emotion in new and different shades and colours.
Like I said before, I can't mix up the feelings I have with the feelings I have about the people in the North. I am connected but my experience is different. Feeling guilty about not being as bad as them is useful to noone. Feeling empathy and prayers and thinking about them; Really focussed thinking is. I love them.
Now I sit, one eye on Facebook; One eye on the glass of water on the table that tells me whether I am imagining the swaying.
The Prime-minister's right-hand man has been on TV more or less constantly since the disaster. I love him.
The PM himself has been to the Nuclear Power plant with the problems. Props.
I am scared and I want to leave.
I love Japan.

Rockin

2010-03-29T23:16:00.003+09:00

i am so inspired
i had such a good day yesterday
with women
of all ages and shapes and sizes and
i love a level playing field and
seeing in practice all the things we read and teach and train and say
and know to be true but avoid so often

just being there and being with them made me want to reach and rest at the same time
i don't mind about putting everything off because I can rock anything at any time
so much love and talent and encouragement
even preparing and tidying up was inspiring

i am blessed
thank you tokyo for putting me where i am now
and where you are going to take me next

Read on one of my regular reads

2010-03-01T22:58:00.000+09:00

Did you know I did not start painting until I was 33?
Think about that next time you don't want to try something new for fear of failing.

http://lisaandwilfredo.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Nice.

Gloria

2010-02-07T19:53:00.003+09:00

Currently being inspired by 'Gloria'.

I had never heard of this film before, but the look, the mood, the fashion, the sets and the lead actress, Gena Rowlands is phenomenal. She looked her age. She's probably not much older then (in 1980) than Demi Moore is now, but she looks like a lady in her 40s/50s (on searching, she was 50 at the time of making). She's amazing and has so much expression.

And her carpet bag kicks ass.

37 years ~ not a good year for the Boys in Japan

2009-12-30T22:57:00.003+09:00

I found out a new cultural fact about Japan today. I love that and I love being here with the family. I also found out that every time we go anywhere or do anything they go to the shrine to pray for us.

When man enters his 37th year (when a baby is born it is considered to be year one, so athough he is 36 this year, it is taken as 37), it is considered a bad year for his health. It is the year his body starts showing serious signs of ageing. As such, he is given a pair of big iron chopsticks, with these he symbolically picks up and throws out any bad thing that comes his way. I like these traditions and these will serve as a reminder for us to look after ourselves a bit more carefully from hereon in.

Recovering from Christmas Excess with leftovers

2009-12-28T21:47:00.002+09:00

Fashioning an idea for 2010

2009-12-27T22:31:00.002+09:00

RELEASE

This is the concept for 2010.

A new year, a fresh start a new attitude and a release.

Release....

A perfect evening

2009-07-29T23:28:00.004+09:00

Everything in Moderation

2009-07-28T23:20:00.006+09:00

Especially Moderation.

So, it's Tuesday, the day of nothing in particular and we decided to go to our local vegetarian restaurant. How lucky is that? To have a local vegetarian restaurant. It's our first trip there and it was really good, very reasonable and a nice atmosphere. It is called 'Govinda' and is tucked away in the back streets of Nakano near a dusty shrine and Shimachu the legendary garden centre and mecca of Japanese DIY/garden lust.

http://www.krishna.jp/english/GovindaRestaurant.html

Good luck with finding it - but it is well worth it, because the back streets of Nakano are charming and the food is great. Simple curry but full of flavor and cooked with love. I had a vegetable curry with half genmai (brown rice) and half carrot rice (still not sure if it was rice made of carrots or rice with carrots or rice that looks like carrot) but it was all good and served with a sprout side-salad and a popadom. Cinammon and Apple tea followed. It was my first fully cooked dinner for 2 months. It tasted lovely, especially since my taste buds are so open to flavors just now. I am bloated and I'm fully OK with having a well-loved cooked dinner every now and then. I tend to eat how I feel OK to eat. I started eating fish again about 10 years ago because I stopped feeling so bad about eating it. Now I am having a new feeling, which I anticipate won't last too long, but for now is my gut reaction. Fish is OK, dairy is not. Am I a fegan? a Chegan (cheating vegan)? I prefer to look at myself as a megan. And eater of the things. Doing it my way. Like Frank and Sid.

Then after the Govinda, I was ready for a quick snifter so we shot into my new favorite bar The Sidney Foch. It is 1 minute walk from our house and run by a lovely couple - English man and Japanese lady. It opened in November, but we only went for the first time about 2 months ago. I love it. It is a magical den of fun. with a small library, a rolling art display - currently showing the photographs of the Tokyo photographic club, birds, a lot of birds, holiday kitsch galore, fabulous service, no seating charge and well priced drinks. I love it. GO.

http://the-sidney-foch.atspace.com/

view from the living room

2009-07-21T00:41:00.003+09:00

the view from my kitchen

2009-07-19T01:09:00.002+09:00

Raw Revelations

2009-07-15T14:07:00.002+09:00

Well. I have signed up to lots of raw websites, mailing lists and suchlike and today I received a mail from 'Raw Celebrity' Matt Monarch of Raw Food World and I read this:

"Automatically, my body started breathing deeper during this time and my lungs started expanding. It felt like my body was pushing harder to get food (prana/energy) from the air. My emotional health felt like the BEST it has ever been. My mind was sharp as a pin and I have never felt so intensely connected to the Universe. I automatically and continually went into meditation, as it felt so easy with this flowing spiritual bliss I was experiencing."

I was stoked, because I experienced something very similar last month in about week 3 of my raw month. I wrote it in my journal and talked about it to my coaches.
I took the deepest breath I have ever taken. I had had an incredibly relaxing weekend, eating wonderful raw recipes, sharing raw food and sitting in the sun. Then I had a lie down in the afternoon - a decadent rest and I took the deepest breath I have ever taken. It was wild. It never ended. I have never in yoga or any activity experienced such an open breath. That was the pinnacle of that part of my raw journey so far. For a day or so after, I experienced incredibly deep breathing then it slowly ebbed away.
Of course, I made a connection between my new lifelstyle and the deep breath and it is great to see it mirrored in someone else's experience.

I realise now that the honeymoon period is over and that the work begins here. So here are a few things I want to achieve in the next 3 months:

Bum clean - I would like to have a colonic as soon as possible
Wardrobe detox - I am gong to enlist the services of my good friend and style smart sensei Jeanette to do a wardrobe detox with me. Things need altering, thrown, used creatively and resurrected. Also my closet space is a mess, so I could do with a bit of a buddy to hep me sort it into something manageable and ask the question "Are you sure you need that?" (set of broken fairy lights, for example)
Online order - A lot of raw food produce to keep me going
Online order - organic skin care

Thank you for the messages of support and advice on the last post. It is really helpful.

I need to go get ten minutes of sunshine.
Thank you for being so great.

My Bento

2009-07-14T23:49:00.005+09:00

I am no domestic goddess, so I am very proud at this pre-made bento for tomorrow.
raw rice - cashews, zucchini, coriander, salt and a little agave syrup, aubergine, tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, orange pepper. Can't wait to cover it in orange miso dressing and enjoy it!

FISH, scoff and quaff

2009-07-12T12:50:00.003+09:00

I ate two whole fish last night! Hoke. I cooked dinner for my friend's family and ate a heap of salad, but after they had left, I tucked in to a little bit of fish then promptly scoffed 2 full ones! They were great.

I stayed up until 3 or so because I was really in teh mood for mooching, researching and getting back on track. So this morning and last night I had hot baths and cols showers to stimulate my ciruclation and renewal process and now I am about to eat my first food of the day - it is 1pm, I decided to let my body keep digesting the fish and drinking water to also help get rid of the generous portions of wine quaffed since Thursday night.

Now, just hope my husband will get out of his barking orders bad mood!

For Empowering Women

2009-07-10T13:59:00.002+09:00

Last month I joined FEW, a group for empowering women in Tokyo. It is a wonderful space to be motivated - I feel like a new person every time I go.

Last night I noticed that there is a certain intuition between women. Really - I was juggling 4 different conversations, introducing people to one another, beign introduced, being parts of other people's conversations as they juggled different conversations. It was lovely like a blooming flower. And as I reached into my bag to get out my notebook, for Trine to write the URL of her incredible blog, without making eye contact, and her just taking it and grabbing a pen from my bag then handing it back in a deft move without any verbal or eye contact, but smiles and sensing each other, I felt a thread of pure love and gratitude run through me.
It was so enjoyabl last night - thanks to the speakers, not least for encouraging us to write our blogs more regularly, share more openly and be ourselves.
Thanks to the speaker who quite candidly told us "I have lived my dream, so now I'm creating new dreams."
It gave me the drive to work towards saying that one day.
And writing every day helps us hone our craft.

Today I learned my darling Aunty has passed on. My Grandma's sister - a second Grandma to me, the last of that generation of relatives to say goodbye.
I loved her. I liked her. I respected her. She was always positive, optimistic and despite having been ravaged by painful arthritis for as long as I can remember, I have never one heard her complain. She was one of a kind. I thank the Universe for having put me in her life and for her quick, peaceful and unexpected passing. Love you Betty. Always try and do you proud and follow your example in my life. You inspire me.

Raw treats for all to share!

2009-06-23T22:42:00.003+09:00

Tonight's dinner - becoming a favorite. Miso and orange dressing, walnuts and cucumber. Simple, tasty, filling and nutritious. The dressing is divine.

In progress - Sunday and Monday's dinner. Courgette 'pasta' strips, cashew 'mayonnaise', basil and thyme fresh from the garden, sundried tomatoes, pine nuts and cracked pepper - delicious.

Strawberry, banana, coconut flesh and butter, chingen and dates. Made a big batch of this to take to a workshop I was running today - delicious powerful and all nutritious goodness. My body is loving me.

The source of the basil - I pop out and pick a bit and pop it in the 'pasta'. It feels so good to be growing things.

The finished product of the 'pasta dish - looks a mess, but was yum. You can see a bit of raw chocolate in the background, nestling behind the dish, and behind it, Ani Phyo - my new bible. I love her - her recipes are amazing, creative and her life philosophy is inspiring without being cloying or twee.

This is one of the best things I have ever done.

OUCH

2009-06-19T22:21:00.002+09:00

City Tax Bill

Health insurance bill

Little chance of a pay rise or bonus this year

Thank goodness I have saved this month from not being a social butterfly and not drinking...

By the way Universe - I am so ready for the next step
Espcially when it involves something that will make me some good old lolly!

Cashew Coconut Pudding

2009-06-16T23:31:00.003+09:00

thank you Ani Phyo for this tasty puddingy treat.

2 cups cachew nuts
1 1/2 cups water
1/4 cups pitted dates
1/2 cup shredded coconut

Lush creamy goodness.
Probably not great if you're trying to loose weight.
But everything in moderation.
Especially moderation.

http://www.aniphyo.com/
http://astore.amazon.com/aniphyocom-20/detail/1600940005

Cycling around the neighbourhood and how raw got my arse into gear

2009-06-14T23:32:00.006+09:00

Phew, what a day

What a week

What a month

Just 2 weeks into my June raw food challenge, I have achieved about 90 percent raw, avoided alcohol almost entirely - a glass of wine Friday night, a couple of glasses last night and achieved some other goals that I have been stalling over and stalling over.

And stalling over.

I have been living with the breaks on for months and while life continues to be full of surprises, fun, beautiful people and the energy of Tokyo, somehow I haven't been feeling it.

So I knew I had a big fat clean up to do, but where to start?

Fed up of talking, moaning, complaining, I opted out of coaching in the traditional sense.

Goals including exercise had failed too many times to even be relevant let alone useful!

I had, since a trip to TGI Fridays in september, where I ate as much fried food as I could, been eating pretty poorly. Lost touch with food and lost pleasure in making food.

It started showing in many ways.

So having heard a lot of comments about detoxing and raw food and the connection between the emotions, motivation and physical health and appearance, I decided that this is the way to go.

Luckily I have 2 friends who are raw food enthusiasts and coaches, so I contacted them (which felt like an achievment in itself) and booked a date with them, then met them, set goals and started the next day. Full on. Out and out. And detoxed like mad with headaches, mood swings and utterly bizzare dreams.

I enjoyed that, made me feel very alive. Very much as though things were moving, things were changing.

The second week, that has just ended, has been less extreme in changes, the coffee withdrawal headaches are over, the dreams have settled and the emotions are calmer. Work continues to be a struggle and I suspect no amount of fruit or green smoothies will change that...

I have 2 more weeks of raw to go. I had a couple of glasses of organic red wine last night. No problem with that.

I plan to have a few drinks next week too, but the food challenges will continue. 2 more weeks until I cook something.

The most radical changes I feel are the fact that I have been fulfilling long long set goals that I had continually been avoiding.

I joined FEW

This has been something I have been meaning to do forever.

I bought a bike

My bicycle had been taken in February and I had avoided getting a new one.

Today I resolved to get one.

Chose the shop.

Walked there, chose a bike and rode out of there on it.

And I love it and we cycled around all afternoon and Kei loved it too because he was frustrated by the limitations on our mobility.

I made Blog entries

(but would someone tell me why Blogger puts a million unrequested spaces between each line if you upload pictures - it is really frustrating)

For the longest time I have been wanting to make Blog entries again.

Done.

Repotted plants

I have loads of pots and plants and there needed to be a lot of moving around, so the plants could reach their potential. mmm I need repotting!

Exercising

Little by little

A bit of hula-ing here

A bit of rhythm slider there

A bit if tai chi there

There is one huge thing that I want to do. Soon.

It's difficult and it is going to take BIG OLE BALLS and a plan.

But hey, I feel that all these other things being achieved inform that realisation.

That's the thing - I hoped these things would come together like this

Other things are that dreams come true

I got to sing with a fabulous jazz band

I got to sing with an orchestra

Gosh, when you put it like that, life is good!

Banana Ice Cream

2009-06-09T23:00:00.004+09:00

RAW

It's day 10 of my detox raw food life overhaul month.

Feeling good, the results are not as dramatic as last week due I guess to having got over coffee and caffeine withdrawal. Getting into a more experimental zone this week having made miso and orange dressing and found that it is fantastic on cucumbers and walnuts. Then used that as a variation on the theme for the past few nights. Tonight was in lettuce wraps.

Thoroughly enjoying this experience.

I just made my first batch of raw banana ice cream in my new food processor.

Verdict:

And I have to say, it is delicious. With maple syrup or carob powder topping.

Ingredients:

Frozen bananas (peeled before frozen!)

Almond butter

the end

Whip until creamy eat with your fave topping! Highly recommended.

RAW

2009-06-05T22:38:00.002+09:00

And that's exactly how this detox is.
Nothing could h ave prepared me for this experience at all.
I have headaches
I feel calm and aggressive all at once
I have clarity, and it's not always a heavenly ray of sunshine
I'm not hungry
I don't eat breakfast
I don't eat until I've been to the bathroom
I haven't touched alcohol tea or coffee since Sunday
My mouth feels like a dump
Sometimes my face tingles
Sometimes my skin feels really hot
I have felt feelings of utter despondency this week and am now feeling quite happy.
A simplicity of thought unlike any way I have thought for the longest time.

But what I feel the most is an overwhelming sense of achievment at even having embraced this so fully for one week. I am going hardcore out for it and am focussed. I have a few challenges up ahead including a party on Sunday and various parties throughout June and a royal visit from Hong Kong at the end of the month.
However, this is not a time to beat myself up if I have a glass of wine or two. Or three. Or so.
But a time to really get in tune with my body in a new, simple and clean way.

Life is for living and I intend to do it.

The goal for this week - add more exercise in to my week. Still struggling with that one, but little by little.

I am excited for what tomorrow brings...

detox madness

2009-06-03T22:52:00.004+09:00

It becomes summer this month.

Time has flown by and I am doing an 80 percent raw food detox for June.

A long overdue lifestyle change.

This includes

Adding fruits, veggies and leafy greens to my diet

Removing alcohol, coffee and dairy for this month.

Adding daily exercise to my day.

It is not my intention to do this forever however I feel like being extreme, being tenatious and seeing what kind of effects I get from this food based way of cleansing my body and mind.

It's day 4 (I started a day early forgetting that May has 31 days) and with the guidance and coaching from the raw food specialists http://www.lucinalivefruitfully.com/ I am journalling my reactions and both physical and emotional to this challenge.

Today I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open and without coffee as a crutch (I may allow myself a couple of soy lattes, but is seems to defeat the object)

I came in and had a rest of a nap on my little bed, it was lush and when I got up I just had a smoothy for my dinner - which seems mental, but I actually feel grateful for a simple, nutrition-packed 'meal'.

How long this will last I don't know. After the initial excitement of starting on this journey, today I was being enticed by bread rolls. Bread rolls with cheese melted mmm. And tonight I just couldn't manage another salad. Well I could if I could have steered clear of my bed. I'm excited by the idea of making yummy raw salad dressings.

Emotionally- well, headaches are fine, I can handle them because I feel like it's working. Yesterday and the the day before I was a steaming bag of hate. Mental arguments with just about everyone, internal dialogue = hate. Dreams = nightmares of child killers. Train dozing = nightmares of people with demons in their mouths and serpents in their heads. This is a side effect of all the things in my blood coming out and emotional channels being opened.

It's great fun and on Day 4 I am rather enjoying how fun it is.

In other news, my parents were here for 3 weeks. It was interesting getting to know them. It was great hosting them here in our home - I love having visitors.

Me family

Grandma's place, the land above the house

Grandma, Ottosan and Kei

Wisteria

Cheesy holiday shot

MOMMA - I feel like Blogging!

2009-02-04T23:47:00.002+09:00

Well I never, I feel like blogging - I don't exactly know what to say or where to start, so I'll start with requests:

?Can anyone recommend good yoga videos on Youtube, or to buy from Amazon?

?Can anyone recommend TV shows that they love to watch online? I don't know where to start.

And here is some linkage that I will put out there now:

http://www.martinecotton.com/

http://www.stylesmartsensei.com/

Darlings the pair of them!

There is so much that has gone on - we moved house. We love it here. Christmas came and went as did New Year. we moved house in between. People are leaving as usual, new people are entering my life and the choir continues with Mendelssohn and Haydn.

What to do with this little fella I don't know but what I do know is it needs a total overhaul! The longest journey begins with the first step and here's mine.

I feel quite excited to have actually done this, to have actually put virtual pen to virtual paper. It makes me feel excited for what's coming next - bursts of colour, activity, fruitfulness and communications. OOOh yay. I'm stoked.

So many wonderful things have happened over at Facebook recently, so many wonderful people have come back into my life of late, it's an honor. Particularly school friends, the likes of whom I would have been unlikely to connect with otherwise.

Moving house has energised so many areas of life.

Adversity in the workplace has forced an evolution of coping skills and I feel grateful for having been bestowed the strength and dignity to push through in a way that I would not have been able to in the past.

The future seems ethereal and far away, but I am excited and very 'in the moment' right now, enjoying my house, enjoying my family and friends and above all enjoying my husband.

All I need to do now is get fit and healthy again and I feel that the tipping point is about to be reached - the tummy is too round, the breathing too shallow, the posture too rounded - all is well.

So there - a stream of consiousness post. The kind you find in a second hand store.

TONIGHT AND NEXT WEEK!

2008-12-06T14:54:00.003+09:00

Enjoy the Silence

2008-09-17T01:00:00.002+09:00

While I was away, we celebrated my Mum and Dad's 40th wedding anniversary.
I had no doubt that I wanted to buy them a photoshoot.
I researched and then the Universe sent me a gift by way of a Facebook message from an old friend of the family who is starting out in his own photography business.
He's a great guy who I've known since he was a baby and I knew he was just the person to relax my family and even make them have fun with photos.
Here are the results. I love them and I hope you enjoy all 90+ of them! They are all shot near my house, about 4 miles from Liverpool on the other side of the river Mersey. In these pictures you can see the docks on teh other side of the water, the fort perch rock, a fort built to keep some invadors or other out in some war or other, I forget which one.
And the sandstone. There are tunnels from the smuggling days that run all along the front near my house. They are bloody fascinating and there are entrances in some of the gardens that overlook the Irish Sea. I have been down them perhaps 23 years ago, but am not sure if you can go down them anymore.

Anyway, here are the photos:

http://jonnydraper.photium.com/portfolio37791.html

And here is Depeche Mode:

One of the most beautiful songs ever written and dedicated to someone who taught me a lot and with whom, many years ago I embodied this song.

On A Break

2008-09-02T00:54:00.003+09:00

Me and the blog are on a break.

While I get over my true love, England.

I'll still be seeing other people over at Facebook and Hotmail.

But for now I'm trying to get to know Tokyo again.

Here are some pictures from the olden days.

Engerland

2008-08-05T07:20:00.002+09:00

I can report that England is great.
London is alive and kicking.
The people are friendly and open.
The shops kick ass.
My friends are the best in the universe.
Kindness never ceases to amaze me.
the food rocks.
The selection of fresh fruit made me quake with excitement as I entered the shop and I bought 4 punnets of delicious, succulent and tasty summer fruits and ate them all to counter the plane food.
Miss my hubby.

FIGHT FIGHT

2008-07-29T00:28:00.003+09:00

Me and my brother used to fight when we were younger. Real fighting. People would actually wind us up so they could witness our fights. One involved ripping hole in a tent in France after some friends had spurred us on and caused us to have a fight. A massive one that my Dad had to come in and separate after the friends had got scared and gone and got him. Another involved a pool cue to the face and a dumbell to the head. We laugh now, but we were vicious. It only stopped when he got big and it was clear that I would die.

The last time we had a fight was in Madrid after a particularly hairy night in a dodgy club just near his apartment just before I moved to Japan. We threw each other around the room. I spent the next 2 days projectile vomitting. Then his apartment got broken into and my stuff and all his unopened birthday presents got stolen. The night of the fight I'm almost certain there was more than just tequila in the shooters. Infact, scratch the 'almost' - we unanimously agreed on that.

Anyway, I actually quite enjoy a good scrap, which is why I had a go at the Israeli self defence technique 'Krav Maga' on Saturday. It was fierce. In terms of conditioning it is amazing. In terms of stress release that is a little different to the gentle stress release of yoga or the funky stress release of hooping. It is violent stress release. I have bruises up and down my arms and let me tell you, the Swiss girl who I partnered with was strong man, and focussed and full on. We sparred and took fake stabbing attempts at each other with fake knives. I had a look in my face like a mad attacker. And I made all the noises really loud.

Now before You start getting a bit worried about all the violence, in terms of exercise this has it all. You have to be very tough mentally and physically, you will get fit very quickly as there is a strong cardio element and above all else, it is useful. You are learning how to defend yourself quickly, effectively and with strategy.

That's something I feel could potentially come in very useful.

In Madrid.

LATE NIGHT WALKING - AFTER A DAY AT THE OFFICE FOLLOWED BY A NIGHT OF WATCHING 'LOST' I LIKE TO GO FOR A LITTLE STROLL BEFORE BEDTIME

2008-07-23T23:11:00.003+09:00

It's great. Last night I headed out for my ten minute trot around my neighbourhood and I thought, 'I'll bring my camera next time' then I turned on my heels and went back to the house and got it. Then snapped away in my locale. I love it last thing at night. The heat lets up, it's kind of quiet and I feel like I did when I was on holiday when I was younger. And I love holidays. Love em. I think it's good good to be upright even if just for a short amount of time.

My night walk stalk.

MOUNT TAKAO

2008-07-21T23:54:00.004+09:00

Just one train ride landed us in the lovely Takao. A gentle hike, that would be fine for any level of fitness and a lovely view. It was cool, it was quiet, it was green. we took the cable car down because it was getting dark.

Then we went to this amazing restaurant a 10 minute (courtesy) bus ride away in the Takao countryside. It is a special magical place and I am planning a birthday jaunt out there.

YOU'VE GOT BIG DREAMS? YOU WANT FAME? WELL, FAME COSTS. AND RIGHT HERE IS WHERE YOU START PAYING ... IN SWEAT

2008-07-19T22:51:00.003+09:00

70% off in HMV - who could resist.
Certainly not me.
"Hifidelity" is the best song ever creative.

Bruno's curly barnet.
Leroy in a leotard.
Doris' dungarees.

I even remember the lines and the lyrics to all the songs.

And the fashion. The fashion.

BLOGLORDS RECOMMEND

2008-07-17T22:29:00.004+09:00

Do you see yours? Not listened yet, tomorrow morning as I ready myself for work I shall rock the new tunes.

Got any Music suggestions?

2008-07-15T23:34:00.002+09:00

If you recommend your 5 fave songs to me at the moment, I will purchase them from Itunes.

I am looking to get some new music but SHAMON where dya start?

So much out there...

So come on dudes - share your top five with me and I will purchase them.

Guaranteed.

All styles welcome.

Bring it on!

Midweek Mute (Blatant rip off of Cherry Blossom Adverture's "Wordless Wednesday")

2008-07-09T23:42:00.005+09:00

Les Rita Mitsouko - Marcia Baila

2008-07-07T23:38:00.001+09:00

This reminds me - transports me back to 1985, camping in France. We bought this greatest hits from a market in Brittany and it had songs on that I will never forget. This was a huge hit and is one of the oddest videos I have ever seen.

Marcia danced, and tonight I danced in the living room of my young student. we got our freak on to the sounds of the 'back to school' chant and the summer holiday song.

RAW FOOD AND HULA HOOPING

2008-07-01T00:40:00.004+09:00

Did you know that in Tokyo there is an explosion of entrepreneurial creativity happening in my neighbourhood?
First Sushizume goes and starts a hula hooping empire, which is way much more fun than an evil empire (although the Star Wars trilogy, by which I mean the first trilogy or the second trilogy after the first trilogy was made. Anyway the one with Han Solo in it, they would never have come about without the evil empire so it's not all bad) and I went to her hoooping class last week. It was great fun and I felt well worked out and tried loads of new tricks. Then did a little hoop display at the end. I'll be going to day 2 soon to get some more tricks.

As if that wasn't enough Frangipani gave a me the Kichijoji experience on Saturday night where every singe person who walked by stopped to say hi because she knows everyone in Kichijoji. She is on fire also and in addition to her burdgeoning photography career has things cookin good lookin.

Then the lovely Andi and Angi of Lucinalivefruitfully.com go and start a flippin healthy living community and business. Well I never. Since Kei has just read a book about additives, he is very interested in food just now. So we headed out on a rainy rainy season day to Claska Hotel to attend one of Andi and Angi's lectures-come-not-cooking sessions. It was really good, very inspiring and we learned some fabulous recipes, which we got to actually make and taste there and then. Boy what a great way to spend a rainy Sunday.

Then we headed home, watched the Darjeeling Ltd then hung out together in our futons eating dates and raisins and being really sleepy.

Hoorah for Tokyo and it's creative explosions.

MY COMPLETELY FABULOUS NEW BOOK

2008-06-27T00:40:00.002+09:00

Happy Birthday Dad - officially a pensioner 65 years young.

2008-06-24T23:35:00.002+09:00

Today is my Dad's birthday. So here is a collection of memories and facts (as I see them) about my Dad:

When my Mum tried to get him to tell me and my brother off, if we started grinning, he would crack up too and before long we'd all be crying laughing.
When he got cross, you knew you'd crossed the line.
He listened and seemed genuinely interested in me, who I was, what I thought and liked it.
He told me it was lovely watching us growing up.
When I was going to a disco once and worried about what I looked like he told me it didn't matter what you looked like, I could go in a sack cloth and it would be OK. I never went to a disco in a sack cloth.
He loves walking. He walks all over Britain.
He has always done a bit of exercise. He does keep fit in the home. In the 70s he had one of those stretchy springs that you pull across your chest. He also used to run up and down the stairs. I don't think he has ever been to a gym.
He is a very very slow driver.
Our car went on fire in France once and he opened the bonnet and shouted as loud as I can remember "Get out of the car run run"
He looks like Bob Hollness off Blockbusters.
I'll have an E please Dad hehe
He used to teach chemistry
He cries at football. He loves football. He talks about football a lot.
He regularly goes to see our local team Tranmere Rovers play
He supports Liverpool.
My husband likes Man United.
This is a problem.
He does the Time Warp
His speech at our wedding was 22 minutes long - a bit bloody long, a friend remarked, but he brought it home in the end with a real tear jerker. Not a dry eye in the house.
He loves taking photos and enters competitions
He loves music and has hundreds of CDs. He sends me music sometimes.
He's tall and skinny
His hair is snowy white
He has worn thick bottle-bottom glasses since he was 2
He traces the family history and in recent years has been visiting long lost old and distant relatives, collecting their photograph collections and their stories and recording it all.
He used to have the neighbourhood kids in the back garden all looking in the fish pond. He had trained his own set of Pavlov's fish. He would knock the side of the pond and the fish would come for the food. When the kids started popping round the side of the house themselves, we had to get a big gate installed so they wouldn't get in and drown.
He and my Mum have been married for 40 years as of July 20th this year. That's huge, big, mammouth.
I really like him can't wait to see he and my Mum in August
Love you dudes!

Keeda Oikawa

2008-06-20T00:13:00.005+09:00

Last night Kei and I went to the Pink Cow with his friend-and-business associate. I had dinner we had a few drinks and there was the most amazing exhibition on there by artist Keeda Oikawa.

Not only that but Kei's pal is friends with her so she came in to meet up and spent time telling us about her trips to Cambodia and Austria and how now she is raising money to build a school in Cambodia through sales of goods related to the exhibition.

The exhibition is a mystical collaboration with photographer Toshi Ota. I was very moved by the pictures and inspired by the warmth and energy of the pieces.

Keeda herself has an amazing energy and an incredible look. Fascinating. Genuine. An artist. Kei's friend told of his and his wife's graduation when Keeda sketched all the class members during the day. She laughed and mimed sketching us.

So Now I Can Clearly See Where it All went Wrong. Very Wrong. And Wrong.

2008-06-17T00:03:00.003+09:00

Photos taken by Ms Martine Cotton

"She's really rather good you know."

GOING...

GONE.

NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN

2008-06-15T21:51:00.004+09:00

Had a great day yesterday. Chilling in the morning, went to a networking event in the evening then headed over to Araku to see Tracey, who was in charge for the night. We met some perfectly lovely people, reconnected with a number of faces from the past and had a thoroughly good day. So what's the problem?

Well, the event started at 4pm and so did the wine drinking. And it continued until we left Araku at about, I have no idea.

Kei puked out of the taxi door every time we stopped at traffic lights. I looked after him. Apparently.

Today I feel worse that I ever remember feeling. I am nauseous and hot, throbbing head, hot feet and hands and just thoroughly toxic. How did that happen? Had not intention of drinking litres of wine. So it is a sign to me that something has to change.

Having not done any formal exercise in a few months, I am not strong, am very soft and am not firing on all cylinders. Motivation has been very low and this week I am keen to reboot and give myself some recovery time to get back up to potential.
So I am setting some SMART goals for this week (specific, measurable, achievable, results oriented and timebound)
As such I have commitments for the week and while I prefer not to share these things and to do them myself, I am so off colour today that I want it here, ready to action and to be accountable to my 5 readers. Here goes:

NO DRINKING - not even a glass of wine or a cool beer for a week. Lots of juice and water but no booze. Not a drop. Clean up.

GO SWIMMING ON TUESDAY NIGHT - after an early finish on Tuesday and choir having finished. I am pacing the bag ready to go tonight so there is no excuse

GET UP A LITTLE EARLIER EACH DAY - my tendency is to get up just in time to walk through the doors of the office without being late. But on the days that I get up and have a chat with Kei and sit and have a cuppa and a think, I feel much better. Not silly early, just a half an hour earlier than usual.

DO A LITTLE SOMETHING EACH DAY - to get the blood pumping. Ten minutes on the hoop, on the ab master machine or just some deep breathing. These activites have been intermittent, neglected and missed.

EAT LOADS OF FRESH FOOD - I have lost a lot of motivation towards cooking recently and have been sticking to the same old same old. It impacts my mood and the way I feel so maybe I'll try one new recipe this week. And buy in lots of fresh fruit and veg to play with.

LEAVE THE OFFICE FOR A SHORT WALK EVERY LUNCHTIME - my tendency is to surf at lunchtime. Why? Don't I get enough Internet time in at every waking moment? In actual fact, every day I make delicious food, usually a big fat salad and a bit of sushi. It's just at night that I hate making food.

That's it. What I need to be doing to make myself happy, healthy and effective.

TFIF

2008-06-13T20:52:00.000+09:00

The concert - would you check out the pipes on that organ

2008-06-10T23:24:00.001+09:00

The concert - would you check out the pipes on that organ
Originally uploaded by sigsy.

This is the British Embassy Choir in action on Saturday night.
It's over until September.
I miss it already.

Now I am at home thinking that I would love to stay up for hours and hours and hours. I love the evening.

2008-06-06T00:13:00.002+09:00

Phew - I'm just this side of Chaos

2008-06-03T00:02:00.004+09:00

Well what a whirlwind of a week it has been!

Monday continues to be a marathon as I still maintain one private student in my new life. She's a good laugh, super motivated and knows me well. So when I arrived last week looking dishevelled and exhausted, she just did loads of magic tricks for me then taught me how to do them. Bonus. I am rubbish at magic though.

Tuesday was the first dress rehearsal for the choir in the lovely Meguro Catholic Church, St Anslems. It has magical acoustics and a fantastic organ. Oooh missus.

Wednesday I had what felt like the best night of my life. I finsished work at 6:30, hubby was out, I came home, changed into room wear, put my backside on the sofa and didn't move except to make (I say make, what I really mean is heat up a packet of) curry at about 10:30. I drank water, watched about 6 episodes of Australia's next top model from last season and felt totally blissed out.. I remember what it felt like to feel creative and inspired. It made me think. Long and hard. I have questions.

Thursday was the amazing public debut of the stylist extrordinare, Jeanette as she put on her first image consulting workshop with lots of style starved ladies! It was great, she was great and looked sensational in thrifted blouse and belt. Her site is under construction, but be sure to visit.
http://www.stylesmarttokyo.com/ We ended up in La Boheme for a bottle of wine and some food. Very nice too.

Friday night I met Ms Pixie for a girly night together. It took us 2 hours to decide where to go, even though we have both lived in Tokyo for 6 years we were both equally as exhausted as one another our decision making faculties were existing in another dimension. We ended up in Asia de Cushion, Shinjuku. It had good food, very reasonably priced and I recommend it. we had starter, main, a bottle of wine and a few more glasses and it came to 6,000 each. Not bad! It was a late one, but as there were many cushions, we were able to kick back and relax. Until pretty late.

Saturday was a big day for me. The British Embassy Choir's first concert and my first with the choir. It was lovely. I forgot the words and lost my place a few times but it sounded lovely all in all and a group of my most awesome and delicious friends and colleagues came to support me. It was so special to have them there, I felt like a million dollars and more. The sound of our voices in the church made me well up more than once and more than ever I am in love with singing.

If you are able, come on Saturday night from 6:00 at Otsuma Hall. Even my heavy metal head friends were fully into it.

After that evening, April and I headed out to join a girls night at Las Chicas in Aoyama. It was my first visit there sine they rebuilt it and it is awesome. The building is really fantastic. I would take or leave the food. It was nice, but really small although the desert was pretty good and we had a most wonderful New Zealand red wine, which went down very nicely thank you. So nicely that when last orders was called, we headed over to the Pink Cow, where the mistake started with a round of cosmopolitans then tequila sunrises. At 4am I finally made it through the door. Man, those mothers are hardcore when they get a night off.

Sunday was fab - we (me, Kei and my hangover) headed over to the Sugi's (April, her hangover, husband and kids) new palace. And it really is a palace. They have a 70 m roof terrace and it was a gorgeous day and they have new outdoor furniture. So we BBQd and hing out with the kids playing in the little pool they have and drank as much water and soda as we possible could, nothing could sate our thirsts. But is was an ace day and their roof is just too much. It is too good up there. I am going to arrange parties up there without telling them. Just turn up with friends and food and booze and insist on parties. Here's why:

Nostradamus, destiny and preparation in one taxi ride

2008-05-22T00:44:00.002+09:00

So I went over to April's for a bit of mid week friendage and after we had cleaned up a bottle of wine and a jacket potato and a nice big salad, I headed for the sofa.

"I could handle another glass of wine, I don't know why"

"Yes you do, if you have one I'll have one"

I headed off to the toilet and when I arrived back in the living room, the wine glasses had been transferred from the table to the sofa and from behind her lovely behind I heard the familiar glug glug glug of a newly bottle of wine. A face appeared around the butt. Grinning.

"I love that sound"

It said.

"Me too, bring it on"

We didn't finish it but i headed out for my last bus at about 11:40. I was the only person on the bus, so in effect is was a giant taxi. Only 200 yen.

Time enough to get the Yamanote line, not to get my last local train. So I got a taxi. Always an adventure. I walked a bit before flagging a taxi and even then , I'm not sure why I waited for the taxi driver I did, but I got a great taxi driver. I have learned so much Japanese from the taxi drivers of Tokyo. It makes me want to not save money and to use taxis.

Anyway, so I got this taxi driver and he starts talking to me and I understand enough to be able to communicate enough for taxi drivers to start asking more and more questions. And I know enough to know when someone can speak English. So when his questions and chat became a bit too much for me he intuitively started slowing down (a sure sign) and then he started talking about the China earthquake and how many people had died (in very easy and slow Japaneses) and we said how dangerous Tokyo was and then he mentioned Brazil and Nostradamus (SP?) and how there is a prophet (?) who has predicted that in September there will be a terrible disaster in Tokyo. Then he said 'I read the bible' in Japaneses, and this set off alarm bells for me.
"Do you speak English?" I asked in a dramatically inquiring tone.
"Just a little" he said in such a way that suggested that he spoke a lot more than 'just' a little. The mere insertion of the word 'just' implies 'more than a little'. He was awewome. Awesome enough to respect that I was trying hard in Japanese too, and to continue.

He said in English 'End of days' over and over again. I asked (in rubbish Japanese) if he had a bag of emergency stuff in his taxi (naturally imagining he and I trapped in the midst of an emergency situation feasting and sharing his survival kit) and he basically said:

"Preparation?" (in English)
"Not yet, I'll start getting it together in August, ready for the (in Japanese) 'end of days' (in English)"

As I was alighting his taxi and noticing his boxer's face he said

"Destinity, it's destiny"

In English.

Magical Marketing

2008-05-18T12:18:00.003+09:00

Read this book:

Then read this one:

They compliment each other so well and are both great reads.

A view from the Bridge, beam me up Scotty...

2008-05-12T00:20:00.004+09:00

These things I am welcoming into the coming weeks, months and years

To be enjoying my second holiday of the year, with a Christmas trip back to England to honor my family and to stride out on a crisp, frosty Christmas morning with my Mum, Dad, Aunty, hubby and brother, along the coastline, wrapped up warm in hats and scarves and gloves, with the salty sea air whipping a gentle breeze around our faces and genuinely enjoying each other's company. To return to a warm house of Christmas dinner, Christmas TV and maybe a game or two for good measure. Maybe a friend who needs a place to stay could be in the picture too.

To be sitting in a park in the London area on a sunny August day, with as many of my UK based friends as possible, their kids, the sound of music, a pot luck picnic and a lazy afternoon of perfection.

To be sat in Bincho in London, Mal is working that night, and as many of my UK based friends as possible are sat around a table eating yaki tori and kushi yaki as we eat and drink and catch up. Love to see you. Love you.

To spend New Years in the bosom of friends, in their home, listening to music, the kids are in bed, it's cozy, we drink fine wine and eat fine foods and reminisce and shoot the shit and reflect on how this is the best time of our lives. They inspire me.

In my first holiday of the year, be sat in a wonderful location with my family enjoying the surroundings and having fun together, talking about their childhoods and their memories so I can preserve them.

A photograph of 4 generations of Furuya with 3 generations of Everitt in the same frame.

To have garnered an excellent reputation as a coach for a reputable training company and be delivering the highest quality coaching sessions around Asia.

To be in tip top condition again; soaring energy from the regular visits to a Bikram yoga studio within easy reach of my home or work places. To have found a set of DVDs for yoga that I love and can work with daily.

To have a house warming party with all my wonderful friends and acquaintances hanging together, making connections, laughing together eating fresh fruits and food barbequed in our modest but pretty garden or balcony.

To have rented out my first bicycle, rescued my first lost customer, taken my first bicycle tour of Tokyo and be tinkering with my website for the Tokyo cycle hire. Mmm. All I have to do is buy a bicycle and I’ve started.

To be holding coherent conversations in Japanese and be secretly clutching my 3-kyu certificate as I do.

To be exactly where I am with my honey laughing together, kicking each other’s arses, cycling around Tokyo in the sunshine.

To be in contact with the people I now have around me physically and Webly because I never knew things could be this good.

To be spinning in my living room with a new hoop from the recommended Hoop Bunny.

To be healthy, content and kind.

in 6 words

2008-05-10T13:21:00.005+09:00

So Beastie tagged me bloody ages ago for a mememe.

Describe yourself in 6 words.

I started out with

"drinks too much far too often"

then

"drinks far too much too often" (don't you just love the English language?)

then I thought that was somewhat juvenile. So I thought:

"A late starter, finally she prevails"

but again there was a vital element missing, a part that is central to my life and who I am now.

I settled on:

Loves her husband more than anything.

Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/martinecotton/

::Maybe we have met before::

2008-05-08T22:10:00.003+09:00

::Maybe we have met before::
Originally uploaded by innocentgirl.

Go here if you live in Australia.
Just go there!
And go.
With all the going and everything.

go

Ever had one of those days where you just feel pretty good? I did a good 2 hour training with a new client, then I went to a health food shop in Takadanobaba and stocked up on things like cotton wool and handsoap and brown rice, then I browsed magazines and got the bus, reading the most excellent book that I am reading. Then I came home and started catching up on Blogs and photos and Martine had sent the pictures she took in Yamanashi for our anniversary and they are marvellous. She somehow managed to capture and bottle 'us' just like we are. The pictures are fun and touching and I love them. She know us and she knows how to represent us and she did it perfectly. Thank you Martine. So that made me really happy. Then I put the lamp on, welcomed my husband home, requested that he stopped asking me questions, after having asked me about 10 questions, he obliged and now I have made a concious decision to unwind little by little, hula hoop a little bit to release some physical tension and enjoy the Internet with the balcony door open and minimal clothes on.

Loving this spring weather and appreciating every last drip and drop of this good mood. Hallelulia!

DISCO - this month is a busy one. A rich and rewarding month of singing, working, studying and disco dancing. This rules so v

2008-05-06T01:58:00.001+09:00

Although there are some levels upon which I don't believe I really truly understand it.

FAILED.

2008-05-03T00:15:00.003+09:00

To catch our Shinkansen back to Kei's hometown.

Got to Tokyo station and we were too late.

Debated going as far as Osaka and staying the night but instead went for dinner and came home.

Early start tomorrow....

I had a 'No Macro' policy this year on the sakura front and I did it...until I went to Yamanashi with the hubby and the Frangi. And I broke it. A lot

2008-05-01T23:23:00.004+09:00

I went to Kiyosato in Nagano for a weekend of singing, Feldenkreis and forging new friendships with the British Embassy Choir

2008-04-26T15:10:00.004+09:00

Saturday Afternoons...

2008-04-26T14:09:00.003+09:00

Over a cup of tea, while I am removing the horrible conehead that husband had hilariously set as my wallpaper, he says:

What's the opposite of magnify?...

...minify?

Cute like puppies and laughing babies.

Do my eyes deceive me?

2008-04-23T23:35:00.002+09:00

Is H&M coming to Tokyo?

Whilst reading on this lovely site about some fashion, I went the the H&M site.

I am trying to buy as few new clothes as possible, but H&M is such a great place for fun buys and God willing they will have big bird sizes.

Bring it on!

AH YEAH.

The Owl and the Pussy Cat

2008-04-22T00:13:00.001+09:00

Blue sky
Originally uploaded by sigsy.

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

The first live concert I ever went to...

2008-04-08T23:11:00.001+09:00

Well I say the first. there was David Essex when I was nine. This was the first one I went to with stiff permed hairsprayed hair, blue mascara and 'touch of pink' lipstick by Constance Caroll. Liverpool Empire 1986. I took pictures. I'd love to find them.

Park life, plans and napping

2008-04-07T22:44:00.006+09:00

I had a nap today. I had a lieu day and between seeing the doctor, a failed attempt to break my bike out of bike prison, buying vegetables, paying bills and teaching a private student I curled up on my bed and had an afternoon nap. I haven't had a nap in as long as I can remember. I love a nap. There's something so decadent about being all cozy in bed in the middle of the day. It wasn't so great though because I had a dream that I was in a bar talking to my Mum's next door neighbour who has Alzheimers disease and then I was sat at a grotty bar with a gap in it and a giant coackroach the size of a lemon scuttled out, up my stool and latched on to the web of skin that occupies the space between the thumb and forefinger. It left me scratched and bleeding. This is a recurring dream for me, although it usually involves a snake biting me in the same place and me frantically flapping my hand around trying to free it and the snake is flapping form side to side as I furiously shake. But today it was a huge coackroach.

I am starting to plan for my trip home. First goal has been solidified. To identify where the charity shops are in the wealthy areas then go and make some killer finds in them. My passion for charity shopping has been rekindled. In the 1990s I was a pro. I had some fantastic stuff from leather jackets to boots to skirts, the lot. Then it ebbed off. Now I have visited the Sally Army AND have wardrobe remix to inspire me (man, there are some style vixens out there) I will be hitting the chazzas big time on my trip back in the summer.

So to more lovely things. Hanami parties. Inokashira Park on Saturday was just lovely. Thanks Ms M for arranging that.

2 years ago to the day

2008-03-30T00:16:00.002+09:00

Some champagne?
Originally uploaded by sigsy.

Well, April 1st is the date but today we were in the park and thinking about our wonderful wedding day under the cherry blossoms.

When we got home we snuggled up in bed and reflected on the past two years. And it was lovely. And we said good things.

In the Flesh!

2008-03-29T10:46:00.001+09:00

About bloody time!
Originally uploaded by sigsy.

For maybe 2 years, this lady from the Blog Sushizume and the online store Tokyomade have been commenting each other's Blogs and pictures. I don't remember how I got to her blog, perhaps through Pinku or Frangipani.
She is a very lovely and inspiring little lady and last week we met for the first time. We have so many friends in common, as is common in this city, yet our paths had never crossed before.
It had got to the point where it was becoming a bit embarrasing!
A shout out goes also to Leila, who I also met for the first time and is every bit the ball of energy I imagined!
A shout out also goes to Dagmar, my new buddy from Germany, who I met at the FEW career strategy day.
Still loving my new job and today our president is treating us to lunch at the New York Grill in the Park Hyatt, Shinjuku. After that, we are probably going to head out to hanami somewhere, with someone.
This time 2 years ago I was preparing to get married under the Yoyogi Park cherry blossoms and IT WAS AWESOME!

Tomorrow will be an event at Roppongi Hills that I am co-hosting with my friend and colleague Rona.
The Japanese public need to learn to sing 'Top if the World' and 'Here comes the Sun' in English. And we are just the people to help them!

Elle est un Blogstar

2008-03-25T06:26:00.001+09:00

Lulu Sakura Lulu
Tu es un Blogstar

This song was on the first ever tape that I received from Father christmas. Chart Hits 81. I totally didn't get it then. It confused me. I totally get it now. Now all that keeps me up at night is worrying about zombies. Escaping them. What type they will be. Will they be the super fast ones of 28 Days/Weeks Later or Dawn of the Dead. will they be strong and intelligent. Will they be able to get in. Do we have enough food to get through the weeks we would have to barricade ourselves in. Could we escape to the office near our house. How does one barricade an automatic door in a convenie? Would we be better staying up at night. The undead are really occupying a lot of my wakiing hours a the moment.
It's quite fun. But at 2am this morning after hours of creating strategy, I did have to turn my thoughts to more pressing things like sleep.
And congratulating Lulu on her Blogstar status. Aim high baby aim high! Love your new look.

Ladies, Jobs, Surprises, Sayonaras, Wine and Trawling not doing.

2008-03-19T22:25:00.003+09:00

While I was doing my nightly trawl of blogs, I found this artist on Decor8 blog and thought "I know that name". This is a name from my childhood. Then she resurfaced as she worked in a restaurant in Birmingham with my ex boyfriend and also because a friend of mine was friend with her! Now she lives in Tenerife and creates this beautiful work. AND I WANT TO BUY IT ALL!

I have a new job! Now I work full time at 7 Seas, the corporate training company that I was a part-timer with for the past 3 years. And opportunity arose, I grabbed it and now I have done my first 3 days. So far so good.

Benefits include

# Regular hours

#5 minute walk to the office

#Great team

#Challenging work

#Great boss (my lovely buddy)

#Great Colleagues

#Multiple development opportunities.

#Rather than being on a bus at 7, leaving my house after 9:30

#Having a good breakfast every morning

#Regular meals

#Making delish lunches every day

#More energy

Last week was a wonderful round of social events and networking events including:

#Meeting 3 ladies I haven't seen in over a year, former work colleagues at a gorgeous tofu restaurant between Shibuya and Ebisu near the traintracks. Ever been to Sora no Niwa?

#Sayonara from the school - nice evening in an izakaya in Kokubunji, fun drinks and presents. it has been a great 4 years and I am glad I have made the decision to move on.

#Hanging out with Rach for wine and drinks at home - our attempt at not spending thousands of yen every time we get together for dinner. It's working well!

Friday night I was so pooped I went home and watched 'Cold Feet' all evening.

Saturday I went to the FEW Career Strategies Seminar. It was great fun and quite inspiring. There were women from many different backgrounds and I came away feeling I could do anything. Then dinner with the lovely Rach, Julia and new friend Dagmar. Then we couldn't resist heading over to Araku for a few bevs and a catch up with Martine, Ms T, Ash and my hubby, who by this point had assumed I had left.

Did I mention I completed my tax return? ON TIME.

Spring is here! Yata.

Clothes Swap!

2008-03-06T22:29:00.002+09:00

Quoting Clothes swap empress:

Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets. It's time for a change! Clean out your closets, under your bed, in the spare room, dump out the handbags and start spring afresh with a new look.

Who: You, your friends, Your Clothes Friend, and a gaggle of fun girls whom you haven't met yet

What: A swap! Bring your clothes (maternity ware, handbags, ballgowns, fur coats - it's all welcome) You can gently place it on the piles and then tear into the fashion, taking as much as you like.

When: Sunday, April 27th from 2-5pm

Where: Pink Cow, Shibuya http://www.thepinkcow.com
It's in the basement

How much: 2500 yen, including one drink ticket

Why: The surplus money raised from the event goes to Habitat for Humanity, a charity that I'm actively involved with. http://www.habitat.org The remaining clothing is donated to the Salvation Army. To date, the swaps have generated over 400 bags of clothing in the 4 years that they have been running. You get to meet fun women, new clothes, cocktails, gossip and more!
A few points to remember: Please, no footwear - it has proved to be too difficult to swap. However, if you have a magazine addiction like myself, I am welcoming all magazines for swapping! No books, thank you, but any glossy mag is bound to find a new home.

Above all, remember: Never wear anything that panics the cat.

These events are always great fun, an excellent way to meet people and revamp your wardrobe. I already have a suitcase in my kitchen full of stuff I no longer wear. Cannot wait!

Real savage like...

2008-03-05T22:56:00.003+09:00

Things I am loving at the moment include these fabuous items. The Mckibillo postcards from Tokyomade I picked up from the post office today and I love them. Thanks Tokyomade dudes!

Love love love em! I have them perched (see what I did there) on the window surround in my aparto. My fave 3 anyways. All red and orange and skully and 'nani?'.

Also in the post today, a package from my Mum. Full of lovely treats including a cash of bras for my mammouth mams, a folk CD from my Dad, a bracelet with a big green jewel on it, a load of beer mats that I intend to make my fortune with on Yahoo auctions with and the best of all, a photo album from our wedding with polaroids and messages from everyone and cards and pictures. I love packages. I love letters and postcards and soon, McKibillo will be weaving his way around the world delighting the postmen of the globe.

My lush buddy Chris came in on his way back to England from Australia. I ordered a stack of stuff from Amazon.co.uk and among those things was 'The Cheap Date Guide to Style'. It's a great read and is floating my boat big time at the moment. We also got a stck of DVDs (thanks Chris!) and watched Blade 2 tonight. What a great movie - love the Blade Trilogy.

Then there is my diary. It took me about a month to actually get a diary this year and I wanted something professional and something that I would love as I use it every day. I need a diary. I have a friend who can keep it all in her head, but I cannot do that. I need notebooks, diaries, post its, lists. I have to have a meticulous degree of organisation to have any actual effective organisation. Anyway, I thought I would go for plain black this year, but I fell in love with this Moleskin diary and by the time I came to purchase, black had sold out. So I bought red. And what a red. Vermillion of the most vibrant tori gate, the most wondrous shrine. Jinja red for a ginga head. I love it every time I lay my hands on it. I am a sucker for the romance of the Moleskin. That spiel about them being the notebook of choice for the greatest artists and thinkers in history. I love it. Like my mere buying the product might have me destined for greatness.

And finally my uta du jour. It is incredible. Layers of savage. Real savage like. The video is a bit weird, but the song is a feat of engineering.

Spotlight on my Vacuous Life...!

2008-02-25T00:27:00.002+09:00

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

This Blog is tragic, it's so racist, if this was written about...

No hang on, I'm bang to rights here. I tick nearly every box. I mean nearly all of them. And if I knew a good expensive sandwich shop I would definitely go there. Hell I even live in Japan and married one of their number.

I love this Blog.

When 'what if' ceases to be 'what if'

2008-02-23T22:04:00.012+09:00

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of the untimely passing of my friend Dave. He was murdered in Cambodia. He was stabbed to death in a robbery of the bar that he owned and ran. The News story about it is here.

I received an email from my ex boyfriend, Simon (with whom I was still in touch and who is a dear man) which was titled 'Shit News' and then had a link to the stories in the body of the mail. I was at work and was totally taken a back "fuckin hell - not again".

Simon and Dave were really good friends. We all worked at the same restaurant together for a year or so, while we decided what to do next, and at that time Si and I were living together in Moseley Birmingham.

Dave was a real card. A genuinely funny guy and my lasting memories of him include:

Me going to pick Si and Dave up from the pub in the car, stone cold sober to find them both hammered, alone in the beer garden, throwing glasses at the wall. When they decided to move onto the garden furniture, I said 'I'll wait in the car'. They expressed a wish to indulge in the ever-so-British behaviour of getting a very hot curry after beers. By this point they were vile, so I dropped them off and let them walk home.

Them DJ ing at a very cool bar in town (Si was a SAHDJ stay-at-home-DJ and had decks and piles and piles of records in our spare room and would spend hours in there DJing to himself. He was good, but his painful shyness and self depreciation prevented him from really doing anything about it.) I was the only person who turned up.

Them DJing in Dave's local pub 60s and 70s music (not like a wedding disco!) and it being packed on a Sunday night. It was a good to honest old school British boozer. Friends, locals, family all dancing madly and drinking like the pubs closed at 10.30. The pubs did close at 10.30.

I introduced Dave to my brother by email as they were both in Thailand at the same time. They met up in Bangkok and for some reason the nickname 'Curtains' was created. But for which one of them I don't remember.

The last time I saw Dave was at my friend, Shaggy's goodbye party. Shaggy was moving to Thailand to teach English two months before me. I received a phone call that went something like this:

"Hello"

"Is there a pteredactyl there?"

"Shaggy!"

"Sigsy, you flame haired temptress, I'm moving to Thailand."

"I'm moving to Japan!"

Shaggy was found dead on his bathroom floor by his girlfriend in a small town in Thailand 4 years ago, just a few weeks shy of his 30th birthday.

This time I was in an Internet cafe in Takadanobaba and wept uncontrollably in the booth as I read my friends email detailing what had happened in as much detail as there could be. His death still has something of a question mark over it as the Thai autopsy system is not as rigorous as the UK and he was buried in Thailand pretty quickly.

Flash riding Shaggy's shoulders at the May Ball 1993.

Shaggy and I were university friends and very very good friends at that. He was an energy to be reckoned with and one of life's really truly superb people. He could take you from feeling like nothing to a million dollars in one conversation. He just had that. He was sociable almost to the point of making it an art form. I loved him dearly. I had always planned to go stay with him in Thailand, but not got round to it by that point. He loved a drink and to party and clubbing and dancing and I will always remember the him lurching around dancefloors. He loved the Levellers. He was loyal and fierce and took things very personally especially if they were directed at a friend. He adored ladies and was an endless flirt as well as a hapless romantic with his girlfriends. We never went down that route. We stole a few drunken comedy snogs in the dark corners of various clubs, oft in the 'loved up' arms of the 1990s club scene. Ours was a strictly platonic friendship.

I was gutted when he passed. He just died, just like that. Which is why I get so upset when I get too drunk, because people do die. Just like that. A bit too much to drink, a slip in the bathroom floor, hit your head. It happens.

Shaggy went to the same school as my cousin, who was the first ever head girl of that school. A few years his senior, he remembered her as her photo hung on the wall there. That was in Northamptonshire.

Which coincidentally was where my dear dear dear darling friend Geoff lived. Geoff was killed in the 2001 attack on the Twin Towers. He worked for Reuters and was attending the Cantor Fitzgerald meeting that was wiped out by the attack.

This was the most devastating experience of my life. I have never grieved like that. I gently grieve for my Grandma still now, but this was a much more raw grief. The day I found out was the day after my 30th birthday celebrations in Tokyo. I had been out all night at various locations. Shibuya, Karaoke in Shinjuku, then onto the Liquid Rooms, or was it Code? Then at 6am a few of us headed to an izakaya and ordered more beer. Hardcore. Hardcore stupidity. Soon after this I realised I had only one liver. Me and my mate Nick got on the Romance Car, fell asleep and woke up at the end of the train line in Odawara. Great. We were clattered. Got home slept all day, woke up in the evening, lit up a smoke and got set for my nightly trawl of the Internet, starting with the Guardian Newspaper. It was here that I read Geoff's name as one of the missing from the WTC. My reaction was instant and strong. My entire body reacted. I clearly remember that I shouted FUCK at the top of my voice over and over while at the same time pushing myself back on the office chair. I read and reread the article then smoked and trawled the Internet for evidence of him, while howling. I read our last email dated August 18th and thought about the mail that I had sent him following the attack saying I hoped he and his fiance were OK and that life in Manhattan wasn't unbearable for them. I called my friend, who was also a good friend of his and discussed the likelehood of his survival. Zero we concluded. We were right. Some small remains were found later, perhaps in 2002.

A most unbearable and emotionally confusing thing that happened was that midweek following the attack, I received a mail in my inbox from his mail address. I cannot describe how that messed with the head. I opened it to find that it was from his girlfriend, going through his affairs, trying to connect with anything she possible could that would connect her with him. It is heartbreaking to even consider her position at that time. She had put pictures of him around Manhattan. She said goodbye to him in the morning. It makes my heart ache to even think about it. Geoff was part Malay and for a long time after that I would see people who from behind, from the side, in their walk, stance or posture would remind me of him. I would fantasize that he had been there that day, late for his meeting, seen the horror and run away to Tokyo, where I would find him and take care of him and return him to his family. I had a dream to this effect just recently. It was vivid. Really vivid. And it was nice to see him!

I loved Geoff like a big brother. We met as we were badminton partners in the university team and played in the inter-university tournament together. We bonded over a love of smoking, drinking and arguing. We oft joked that we were sponsored by Benson and Hedges rather than Adidas!

Me and Geoff at Nikki's 21st 1993. After driving up and listening to a rock from the 70s tape all the way. 'Airport', 'Make me Smile'. Still makes me a little teary that one.

Later we shared a house and had a fabulous year together with another girl. We never had an argument during that year. We smoked and drank relentlessly, played badminton together and he had a string of flings, while I was seeing a body piercer. He eventually go back together with his teenage sweetheart girlfriend, moved to London and got engaged. He called me and asked me to be his bridesmaid. The wedding never materialised and that was my one opportunity to be a bridesmaid down the drain. Bastard. He was always the perfect gentleman and whenever I stayed with him, he would go on the floor, or top and tail in the bed. I rememember staying with him one night and as he was a terrible insomniac he would play chess into the morning with his mates. He came in to get his chess set one summer night to find i had pulled all my clothes off in the summer heat and was lying on the top of his bed. He actually closed his eyes and found his chess set then later slept on the floor beside me.

There are too many stories I have about this man. He was spesh. Every night for a month after his passing, I would arrive home from a day at the Kindergarten and just cry as soon as my key turned in my door. Big hard crying.

Each of the chaps I mentioned above were incredible and special people and I used to get really cross that they were taken, leaving so many other C***ts in the world. I don't feel like that now, but I can say that the experience of losing three dear friends has had a gentle and profound effect on me. Profound. It has changed me and my outlook in very quiet but deep ways. To try and really express it in words is near impossible.

The only may and can put it is really that 'what if' ceases to be 'what if'.

BIG CHANGES

2008-02-21T23:23:00.001+09:00

I'll let Dolly and her lunatic Disney spinning table antics drop the hint about what is happening over the next few weeks.
I sang this as the inaugural song at karaoke last night.
The changes are exciting and a little nerve wracking.

TAKE IT AWAY DOLLY...

FEBRUARY IS CANCELLED

2008-02-18T22:35:00.003+09:00

Officially. I have decided to cancel February. So many folks seem to be fed up. Winter has been long and cold. Not harsh, not like Finland or Alaska, but Tokyo tough.
So I am cancelling February. Do what you like for the next couple of weeks. The year will resume on 29th because it is a very special day. But beyond that, it's all yours.

Oh and Tammy is for Beastie. Enjoy. (I just spotted a Tammy and Dolly duet, just off to listen)

THE BEST SONG EVER

2008-02-17T13:11:00.001+09:00

Another belated Valentines. To the best husband in the world and all my Blog Buddies. Dolly is the best ever.

Valentines Greetings and Onsen in Tokyo

2008-02-17T12:35:00.003+09:00

HAPPY BASUDAY TOKYO MADE!

You are 1! It has been a great pleasure to watch you grow over the last year. I draw from your hard work and inspiration. Expect an order soon!

What did you do for Valentine's Day?

I got a set of my hashi, non disposable chopsticks so that when I go to restaurants I don't have to use the wooden ones. I forgot to take them out yesterday - GAH. We were so aware of the waste, which is a good thing. I shall carry them everywhere in future. Thank you Husbando for such a great gift.

we also went to The onsen and spa complex at Toshimaen Niwa o yu.

I cannot recomend this place enough. It has so many different baths, rotenburo (outdorr pools) sauna and it a great place to go with you honey, or your mates because there is a huge area where you can where a bathing suit and hang out in mixed groups. They provide swimsuits if you forget yours. They provide bath towels, infact pretty much everything you would need is provided there. There is a lovely garden area with a little waterfall and we sat in the hot tub, bubbling aways watching the moon through the trees and feeling the nip of the cold on our faces. Then we headed for the sauna (my favorite, most relaxing, most cleansing experience). There were quite a few couples in there on Valentines Day, which was nice.

It is not cheap, but you really could spend a whole day there, dipping in and out of the pools, taking advantage of there relaxation rooms, massage facilities and chairs and just doing the spa experience. We will certainly be back for a longer session as we arrived at 9.30 and it was a bit rushed to be out by 11.00. But I still fell asleep feeling relaxed and toasty warm. This place has turned bathing and relaxation into a something close to a religious experience.

2,250 yen for a day at the spa.

1,260 yen for a night pass (after 9 closing at 11)

Make a day of it with your mates!

Inspiration Comes of Working

2008-02-09T00:51:00.000+09:00

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
The purpose of human life is to serve and show compassion and the will to help each other.
Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature.
Life is an exciting business and most exciting when it is lived for others. You cannot do much about the length of your life, but you can do a lot about its breadth and width.

Text from a student's pencil case.

Pictures from Innocent Girl.

http://innocentgirl.wordpress.com/

Do you ever...

2008-02-07T13:35:00.000+09:00

Trawl Blogs all evening or afternoon, following other people's links down a Cyber-rabbit-hole?
Some might say it's sad.
But I can tell you.
The Internet has improved my life beyond measure.
I and I don't need to get out more!

Have you ever...

Been to Veggie Paradise?

It is great.
I went there for a Christmas Party gathering.
They have raw food pot luck meet ups.
On Saturday, Frangipani's Martine and I went there for lunch.
It was delicious.
Raw and Macrobiotic feast.
At first
I thought
It would not be enough.
A taste of this and a taste of that.
But it was, just enough and more.
I had a spring in my step all day.
Full of energy.
Was it the food?
Was it the wonderful company and the wonderful way to start Saturday?
I am keenly aware of the relationship between food, the body, the mind and how you feel and how you function.
And I really did feel a different kind of energy on Saturday.
Placebo?
Who cares? I felt great!
Raw food enthusiasts report their energy levels soaring, so I'll give a big shout out to the food.
Especially after how rank I felt on Monday night after having a 'shit-it's-later-than-I-thought-better-grab-somthing-quick Ebi Burger at Lotteria.
BEWARE THE ORANGE JUICE.
It isnt orange juice.
I thought I'd have an orange juice to balance out the burger.
Whatever it was, I think it was left over from a netball tournament in 1975.
It made my teeth ache and pulse.
It made my stomach burn.
It is what the Alien's blood is made of.

Floating my Boat

2008-02-04T22:55:00.000+09:00

Right now I am falling back in love with this album, specifically Teardrop, one of the most beautiful songs. And a strange and beguiling video. I listen to it every day at school while the kids are doing a writing activity. I always use music in the classroom, it's a great way to change the mood, dissipate embarrassment and just to make my day a lot better. I dug out my Massive Attack MD and found this on there having not listened to it for an age. Massive attack rule. It makes me think of Bristol and all my friends there and takes me on a trip of images through all the times I have spent in Bristol at parties, house parties, weddings, days out, birthdays and just times and trips.

Also turning my hoop are Martine's fantastic pictures of Sushizume's Deanne hooping delight in Velour. Go have a look! I mean, look at this. For me, this is close to perfection as a photo. It is like magic. And of course the subject is a big ball of lightning energy creating a vortex of ecstacy through her hip and hip. Did you ever see anyone looking so happy? And hot?

Photo taken by Ms Martine Cotton

www.martinecotton.com

Of course Kate Bush is still in there and 'Marlene on the Wall', Suzanne Vega had tears of nostalgia flowing down my cheeks. Tom's Diner had me considering her sweet genius. I love the DNA remix the best.

Fun things to do:

***Think of a year. Put it in You Tube. Take a trip down memory lane with the songs that come up. 1986 had me connecting with Cyndi Lauper's mentalist performance of 'True Colours' on Top of the Pops.***

***Pot Luck 'Sex and the City'. You Tube search Sex and the city. Watch the first episode that comes up (in 3 parts). When finished, select the next random recommendation that comes up. Watch that. And so on. You trip from Big to Burger to Aiden and a whole host of hairstyles and you never know what you're going to get. It's fun.***

Lots of love

Mid Week Madness

2008-01-31T00:24:00.001+09:00

Because this is one of the greatest (and longest) songs ever. Because the video is like a movie. Because Kate Bush is Loopy and looks so cute with a crop. And because Donald Sutherland is probably my number one sexiest most attractive man ever. Especially when he was the age he is in this video. And a great actor.
We're Cloudbustin Daddy.

Kyoung Won's Wedding in Seoul

2008-01-24T20:08:00.000+09:00

Heath Leadger Died

2008-01-23T14:21:00.000+09:00

How very sad.

Yay and Nay

2008-01-23T00:44:00.000+09:00

Yay!

I had an audition for he British Embassy Choir tonight and I am now a second soprano.

Nay.

I am sick and poorly. And I ache all over. Yesterday at school I could barely get warm all day - I was cold to the bone. The flat we live in has one of those very popular air con units that heats the top half of a room toasty, and the bottom half, where life happens, is chill.

Sick chic - wee willy winky hat - the bottom of an old pair of room pants - keeps my poorly head warm. Sad expression - do you feel sorry for me? Yellow blanket - gift from sister-in-law.

Update: I took the day off work, an unusual thing for me, and I am very glad I did because I am rotten. What's up with my poor little immune system. My yoga practice is on hold now and all I can do is trawl Blogs and You Tube because I am finding it difficult to be useful.

My fave Christmas cards of 2007

2008-01-16T22:54:00.001+09:00

My fave Christmas cards
Originally uploaded by sigsy.

Mostly handmade or hand designed.
Love them.