Friday, June 17, 2011

Primal Spiral and Gratitude for the People who live Passion, Love and Light

Last night I went to a flamenco show.
It was astounding.
Spinning and spiralling, raw, primal passion movement and flames fanned.
I got close to a place, that I have been before.
Watching and seeing her, Yuko, in the zone, stamping and spinning and making faces.
I felt like I was part of her story and I got close.
The channel opened.
I'd been there.
Singing Haydn.
In German.
Whipped into a frenzy.
Touched by the divine.
In a way that that pure meeting of art and heart and culture does.

My dear friend and mentor says it better.
Marcellus' Blog 'Lightwalker' is one of the purest pieces of art and expression.
It touches me somewhere really deep.

Thanks also to his collaborator and authentic-living beautiful art-drenched light life.
Kyo Ko.
She lives real and raw and let me have this list.
Today, just at a time I needed it.
Eating a vegetable burger.
Frustrated.
Following a meeting, laced with lies and absent of integrity, I read this list and it gave me a lift.
The frustration remains but is in perspective and there's a clarity.
A clarity that shows me.
This way of living and communicating through art and light and integrity.
Honesty.
HONESTY.
Truth.

A guide.
Her daily missives.
Her commitment to change and to opening people.
No bullshit.
Straight-talking.
Living every breath and contradiction honestly and without fuss.
Unapologetic.
Vulnerable.
Strong.

Helping me get my head around myself.
No nonsense.
Accountable.
Sweet.
Compassionate.
Fierce.
Feminine.

Changed my life.
That simple.
Strong.
Brave.
Dignified.
Inspiring.

One day.
I'll do what you advised.
The leap of faith.
I'm so close.

Thank you all.
Undoing 30 years.
Takes quite a tribe.
These are just a few of mine.

I seek honesty, integrity and truth.

But mostly honesty.


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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Day 8 - in which I go quaking into the abyss that is the Japanese banking system.

End of day 8 - faced my most horrific fears yesterday - banking stuff. Money stuff. Sorted a few things out and got a bit deeper into what I need to do. Very exciting.

A trip to the bank in Japan can take up to a day. Not even joking. It's crazy and it's kanji and it's hard flipping work. It makes me sweat and shake and heavy breathe. Sometimes I even go blind.
I garnered the help of my dear boy on this occassion - he accompanied me and made it so much better.
Not only is he better at banking and knowing what questions to ask and how many times to ask them and in what ways, he is also a whizz at Japanese.
I am not.

I had made a monumental f-up in my excitement at getting a fat tax return; over paying some bills while totally failing to pay others. That fail created some real hoohaas.
Anyway we communicated beautifully and I thought he would divorce me for my indiscretion, but no. I think he rather enjoyed being useful.
And because I have been off the booze, I was better able to communicate in a less banshee-like fashion and be dead reasonable.
Nice.

Little changes make big differences.
You heard it here.

Still managed a quiet time on the sofa with my coffee this morning and made my bed, which is such a treat to come home to. Now prepping for a mini-presentation I will be doing at 6am tomorrow in my latest coaching course. Very motivated.

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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Day 6 - Achievable Goals, Small Successes and Reward

My next 21-day challenge (at the moment I have 3 running concurrently: making my bed every day, sitting calmly on the sofa with a cup of tea or coffee for 10-15 minutes every morning and no booze) will be 500 yen lunches. Every day. For 21 days. I'll start it after my UK holiday.

I have decided to set my next 21-day goal because I am really enjoying this set.
This will be a challenge.
500 yen lunches (about 4 pounds).
In the bigger picture of this habit break and rebuild is money management and being mindful of food.

The preparation will be very important in the success of this - not preparation of food, that seems overwhelming, but the obstacles piece is key for the success of this. They would include:

  • Dean and Deluca
  • Wanting tasty delicious food for every meal
  • My ability to talk myself into food because it is healthy or crafted
  • Lunch-set temptation
  • My unwillingness to make lunches for myself
  • Time perceptions
  • Snacks
So I'll have quite a few challenges with this one...

Let's see...


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Thursday, June 09, 2011

Day 4 of 21

"If you always do, what you always did, you always get what you always got."
or something.

This morning I woke up groggy and dull-headed.
I still managed to make my bed, sit with a cup of coffee on the sofa and think.

But my back hurts.
So I did a few on the rhythm slider to put some strength into my back and stomach and release some of the tension, which did admittedly help.

But now, half-way through the day, I feel a bit better.
My problem is that now, while I have been getting up considerably earlier every day, I have so much energy at night that I still stay up late.
I love the dying hours of a day.
That delicious time between 12 and 2 which I claim back from sleep and savor.
BUT it does me no favours the next day, sadly.
So today was a dull day where I had to drag myself out of my bed, rush to make it neat anad force the sofa-time.

This time 2 years ago, in the month of June I did something very similar.
Fed up of the persistent flow of mental excrement rom my brain and into my world coupled with the academic knowledge of all the things I 'needed' to do to make me feel better, I took some raw food coaching from a couple of friends.
I went 100% raw for June and around 80% for July and released a lot, had experiences I had never had before and just generally changed my life through something other than thinking.
I had been failing and failing a getting better and feeling better through thinking or coaching or talking was doing nothing to move me ahead.
I had a lot of negative emotion, baggage, sadness, chatterbox and just mental excrement to release and a physical release seemed like the thing.

This time, again, having built on every bit of commitment to myself to make my life richer and better and more positive (god - it is a long and tortuous road, a delightful and interesting road too, but Rome really was not built in a day, nor was it destroyed in a day.) I realised that coaching alone would not propell me forward in the way that I need to be propelled.
So again, I turned to my training background coupled with my knowledge that drinking leads to numbed and dulled senses.

And I want to be
ON
Alert
Awake
Energised
Ready for action
Different
Sober
Forming new habits
Breaking and
Tearing down
Open
Healthy
Breathing
Strong
Motivated
Energetic
Accountable
Love
Clean
Cleansed

Cleansing is so sweet.
Bathing.
Washing.

A mark of humility and respect in the bible, feet are washed with oil and tears.
A woman in Bournemouth, England washes the feet of the homeless, a task I can only imagine in the roughest of terms.
But she does it, washesthem, cleanses them, massages cream into them and doesn't complain; thinks only of their embarrassment and shame and how she should lessen that.
And talks only of her own role in the most straightforward and matter of fact terms that women of a certain generation, disposition and temperament in the UK do.
It's just what she does.
Pure form humility.

So here I am, cleansing, washing and preparing my body and mind for the future, hurtling toward me, a big firey ball of change and chaos and calm.

And I am engaged
Cleansing
Humble

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Monday, June 06, 2011

21 days

"It takes 21 days, of continuous practice, to break one habit and form a new one."
Dr Maxwell Moltz

I love this expression. I use it in workshops, for my trainees to understand that they need to practice to truly acquire the new skill they are learning or to create new habits.

Sometimes I have problems achieving my goals.
Sometimes I set goals that are too far a stretch from where I am now.
Often I don't achieve my goals and experience the sweet sweet taste of completion and success.

So I thought, the 21 day rule for small steps.
Small steps to success.

I love a tipple, I really do. I love cool wine, iced beer and warm reds.
I like to be relaxed and at the weekend I like to go out and let the drinks flow freely with friends.
And I often have a couple over the line.
And it affects me so badly the next day - the hangovers are brutal and the difference between a Saturday after no booze and a Saturday after a night on the booze is remarkable.
Same during the week.
Even a couple of glasses can give me a dull head the next day.

I am not shy so to speak , but I am desperately self-conscious. I'm working on that. But a wee drink really helps with that. There's a reason why it's called Dutch courage, right?

So after a really boozy couple of weeks for one reason and another, and the knowledge that I do have only one liver, one body and one mind I thought there's only one thing for it.

Have a break.

But there's always a reason to break the fast. A night out. A celebration. A stressful day.

So 21 days.
It's a nice, manageable number especially for a right-brainer like me who needs clear, strict goals to tame my right brain and keep my left brain in line. Judgy left. Reckless right.

I've set up a program for myself.
It includes the following:
Set intention
SMART goal around the intention
Obstacles
Options to overcome the obstacles
Statements of encouragement (affirmations, positive self-talk)
Progress
Reward
Completion!

For me I set my intention - it is pure and driven for good and by love.
(Not guilt, fear or obligation)
The goal is simply not to drink any alcohol for 21 days.
Obstacles are many - fridge and drinks cabinet brimming with goodies, social occasions, meetings, all-inclusinve dinner sets, stressful days, hot nights.
The options are that I have created a menu of alternatives to alcohol that I can order in pubs or bars or drink at home.
Now this may seem intuitive and not like something you need. But my right brain is so confused and stimulated my choice and decision-making that it needs taming and my left brain is so very judgmental that I need to satisfy it with some structure. So a menu of handy drinks ready to pull out of my brain, or up on my Iphone is a must.
Progress - a visual representation of progress is a must. A MUST.
A chart on the wall.
A count up or count down in the diary. (I prefer a count-up, so I can see what have done; not what I have to do)
A coin in a jar - watch the wealth grow
A flower a day...
You get the picture

I am choosing a thousand yen note on a clip with a number on it on a post-it.
At the end I shall have 21,000 yen that I shall put to one side for something wonderful.

Reward for me will be the money, but also the satisfaction of each day where I achieve my goal. And also feeling better and looking better.

The long view is to change many habits on the back of this change and I have many other 21-day challenges lines up, some of which shall run concurrently:
Making my bed every day
Taking 15 minutes in the morning with a cup of tea or coffee to just sit.
From September - doing an hour of paperwork before work in the morning.
100 slides on the rhythm slider each day.
13 minutes of yoga each day.

And it must be every day.

Every day.
A small step toward breaking old habits that don't serve.
Creating space for the new.









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