Day 4 of 21

"If you always do, what you always did, you always get what you always got."
or something.

This morning I woke up groggy and dull-headed.
I still managed to make my bed, sit with a cup of coffee on the sofa and think.

But my back hurts.
So I did a few on the rhythm slider to put some strength into my back and stomach and release some of the tension, which did admittedly help.

But now, half-way through the day, I feel a bit better.
My problem is that now, while I have been getting up considerably earlier every day, I have so much energy at night that I still stay up late.
I love the dying hours of a day.
That delicious time between 12 and 2 which I claim back from sleep and savor.
BUT it does me no favours the next day, sadly.
So today was a dull day where I had to drag myself out of my bed, rush to make it neat anad force the sofa-time.

This time 2 years ago, in the month of June I did something very similar.
Fed up of the persistent flow of mental excrement rom my brain and into my world coupled with the academic knowledge of all the things I 'needed' to do to make me feel better, I took some raw food coaching from a couple of friends.
I went 100% raw for June and around 80% for July and released a lot, had experiences I had never had before and just generally changed my life through something other than thinking.
I had been failing and failing a getting better and feeling better through thinking or coaching or talking was doing nothing to move me ahead.
I had a lot of negative emotion, baggage, sadness, chatterbox and just mental excrement to release and a physical release seemed like the thing.

This time, again, having built on every bit of commitment to myself to make my life richer and better and more positive (god - it is a long and tortuous road, a delightful and interesting road too, but Rome really was not built in a day, nor was it destroyed in a day.) I realised that coaching alone would not propell me forward in the way that I need to be propelled.
So again, I turned to my training background coupled with my knowledge that drinking leads to numbed and dulled senses.

And I want to be
ON
Alert
Awake
Energised
Ready for action
Different
Sober
Forming new habits
Breaking and
Tearing down
Open
Healthy
Breathing
Strong
Motivated
Energetic
Accountable
Love
Clean
Cleansed

Cleansing is so sweet.
Bathing.
Washing.

A mark of humility and respect in the bible, feet are washed with oil and tears.
A woman in Bournemouth, England washes the feet of the homeless, a task I can only imagine in the roughest of terms.
But she does it, washesthem, cleanses them, massages cream into them and doesn't complain; thinks only of their embarrassment and shame and how she should lessen that.
And talks only of her own role in the most straightforward and matter of fact terms that women of a certain generation, disposition and temperament in the UK do.
It's just what she does.
Pure form humility.

So here I am, cleansing, washing and preparing my body and mind for the future, hurtling toward me, a big firey ball of change and chaos and calm.

And I am engaged
Cleansing
Humble