More takes after the quake

I will engage in neither pretend positivity, dramatic indifference or flippant self-proclamations of bravery about myself or any of the other people who opted to stay in this strange new Tokyo.

Same same. But different.

It is what it is.

Tokyo is not as usual.

We are expecting blackouts until the summer.

Fair-does, a little bit of frugal holding back does us no harm, which is why I am sat here wrapped in a blanket with freezing hands, rather than using any of my array of my heating equipment.

The department stores of the consumer Mecca that is Tokyo are closing at 5pm and their escalators are functioning in only certain parts of the store.

What this means to me is that I can't pop in to the 'apothecary' (read Estee Lauder for slightly bohemian posh people like me, who like Khiels and Organics and Jo Malone and other chemical concoctions that have a story that involves some romance and mystic fantasy rather than the idea of rabbits having lipstick sprayed into their eyes by thick-ankled ladies like Elizabeth Arden) to pilfer squirts of my favorite scents on my way home and slather my face with over-priced face cream from Australia that I will purchase on a good month but fawn over in leaner times. Like now.

I emerge smelling like roses, hippies, french lime blossom, with skin that glows with serum swiftly smoothed on in a hurry before an over-attentive shop assistant plucks up the courage to approach a shopper she knows is only in it for the testers, but is obliged to attend to nonetheless.

I miss that.

The stations and convenience stores have turned off all unnecessary lights.

It feels dark.

It isn't.

Which means there are a lot of unnecessary lights.

I am practicing due diligence.

This means my bath remains full.

My suitcase full of tinned and canned goods remains full and ready to go.

My bags packed.

My passport in my bag. At all times. With me.

Shoes by the bed.

Torches charged and ready.

Water in many places.

The reality of being in the position that the people in the North are in feels like a possibility.

And if I should end up in their situation, then I would like to at least have something.

Due diligence.

It's not big and it's not clever not to practice due diligence.

Nor is it mad or panicky to engage in it.

Another word I heard last week was 'selfish'. Fuck that.

Compassion, empathy, love, preparedness, difference, diversity, acceptance, respect, friendship, kinship, love again, help, care, kindness, diligence. These are the powers for good.

Selfish is best friends with guilt.

And guilt is NEVER a good driver.

I miss how I felt last week.

I still feel frightened.

But last week was a fear from somewhere primal.

A fear that prompts change.

Deep open conversation.

Shifts internally.

Observation.

And a knowing, a physical subconscious knowing that overrides all conscious waking thought.

For me, this was a lush, albeit terrifying, new place to be in.

I felt like in my restricted space I had infinite choice.

Infinite love.

And infinite boundaries and potential.

I can still hold the thread of that.

The humility of watching people lose everything in front of my face in an instant in a disaster beyond all comprehension and imagination means I feel I can do anything.

I love myself.

HOLY FUCK I DECLARED THAT?

Yeah live with it.

More shaking.

Now this shaking prompts a nervous nonchalance.

With a heavy stress on nervous.

Red wine to change up the state. (Interestingly, it appears that the patrons of my local convenience store have been panic-buying small bottles of red wine. Not white, plenty of those left, but red. I was forced to buy a full bottle and I usually prefer a tiny bottle)

So due diligence.

A nuclear power station has blown up twice = danger.

My Embassy says it shall be ok = OK

Lots of food in.

lots of water backed up.

Never get hungry.

Exits clear and easy to open.

Clothes ready to go.

bra on at all times.

Torches ready around the home.

Go to the toilet often.

Electronics charged.

Eat out - support local business AND save the food in the house incase of necessity (yes, leg wax has fallen down the 'need' list. But not that far.)

Then in other worlds

Do what I like

Play how I like

Carefully choose flowers

Have the odd cigarette

And glass of wine

But not so much that I don't have my wits about me

Listen to everything and ignore everything

Touch things once

Carefully choose flowers - red too harsh; white too dearth; orange too cheery; yellow to bright; pink just right calm and sweet

Be grateful for every last experience, taste, flavor, dickhead, friend, conspirator, moment, second, idea, passion.

Read with absolute attentiveness.

Attention.

And constraints.

Creativity loves contraints.

One fiction.

One information.

ONLY.

And finish them.

And indulge in the fiction and absorb the information; and vice versa.

And let every little tingling trifling thing mean everything and nothing.

Because there is now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

Wow.